We all have that one place where we believe we belong, where we think we were the happiest we had ever been. To you, that might be a city, a country, a house. I do not mean relationships, but an actual physical place. It is the kind of happiness where you constantly have to stop, pinch yourself and question if what you are feeling is actually real.
For those of us who have lived abroad, that place can be the city or the country where we lived. Whether you move for Erasmus or for other reason, when you move abroad, you build a new life because you ought to do so in order to feel at home. The new life you build for yourself is full of new habits, routines, friends and places. You will inevitably become a different person and when you leave, you will miss the place where you felt that happiness. Most importantly, you will miss yourself.
You will start fearing that the happiness you found is somehow unreachable and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You will miss the routines, the people and the version of yourself that you liked so much.
Due to these high expectations, many warn you about the dangers of returning to this special place. Agatha Christie famously said: “Never go back to a place where you have been happy. Until you do it remains alive for you. If you go back it will be destroyed.” Rui Veloso, a Portuguese singer, wrote: “Never go back to the place where you were once happy, as much as your heart tells you to, do not do as it says”. They try to warn us about the risk of returning, of possibly scattering those perfect memories or even feel disappointment because that place is not how we remembered it.
Because of the fear, you may postpone returning. You will make excuses and tell yourself that you are not ready to visit the place yet.
Recently, I had the opportunity to go to there. I came to a realization – I realized that nothing is ever perfect. Happiness is not the absence of problems or sadness. Wherever your happy place is, there were moments where you were frustrated, tired, scared. And yet, when you left, all you could see were the good things.
What I am trying to say is that there is no sunshine without a little rain, that the fear of never finding such happiness is unfounded. You were happy, not because everything was perfect, but because you focused on the good.
What I hope is that this becomes a lesson for the future: the happiness you wish to find again so desperately, you can find anywhere, but you can thank that special place of yours to allow you to realize that.