When life gets stressful and hectic, it’s common to fall into a hole of self-doubt, pitifulness and struggle. Our thoughts are circulating and going nowhere. Maybe it’s hard to even see the positive solutions in this mindset of madness. One way out of the hole is to be present to yourself. What is happening right now?
Fortunately, changes are part of life and this state will pass too. But you have a choice to work with the difficult emotions and mindset that come with struggling. Here are my five pieces of advice for that:
1. Ask Yourself, “What is bothering me?”
Most of the time we don’t even realize why we’re feeling all these emotions. The first step to change your mindset is to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. The moment you’re present for your emotions you have the power to change them. You can even say to yourself, “this feels uncomfortable” or “I’m hurting right now”. Then do a little body scan. Where do you feel the emotions in your body? It can be tightness in the head, unpleasant feeling in the stomach or restlessness in your feet.
Don’t try to put the feelings down but really face them, let yourself feel them and then ask yourself, “why is this bothering me?”.
2. The Answer
When you’ve acknowledged and named the feelings, it’s time to move on to the next step. First, you may get the answer that studying is annoying. Ask again, “why is it annoying?”. Try to find the roots of suffering. You might find a memory from your childhood where you felt you’re not good enough or the feeling that you’re all alone when you go back to university.
When you face the source of suffering, hold it with kindness. Don’t try to figure it out. You don’t need to make up a story or look for people to blame. Just feel the feeling, see the memory and let it go. You’re stronger now. You’re wiser now. Remember that you don’t need to get rid of the memory. It’s just enough that you recognize it’s affecting your life. Then you can be more aware of it and next time see the pattern and choose a different route.
3. New Beliefs
Now it’s very important and also a great opportunity to recreate beliefs in yourself and the world. Take your pen and notebook to write about the new you. Examples: I’m beautiful. I’m strong. I have power over my life. I’m empowered. I’m enough as I am. I can redefine myself. My unique touch and skill in this lifetime is needed. I’m able to create greatness. This struggle served and taught me well, now I can move on.
Think about all the things you want to be, all the success or talent you want to have. Then write it down in as much detail as possible. Remember to read your statements often, the more the better. That way you can remind yourself about who you want to be and of what you already are. You’re amazing!
4. Find a Support Group
Having a solid support system with like-minded people is half of the work of keeping a positive mindset. In the group, you can take turns and share your struggles in your life and its all colors. Trust is essential when sharing personal struggles, so make it clear that everything stays within the group. Speaking the truth and learning to live with the positive mindset is a great journey to share with others. Use this as an opportunity to create your tribe!
5. Remember the Why in the Middle of Change
You want to change for better for yourself, right? Be clear about your motives and aims especially if you have a people-pleaser background. You have the right to change. Moving on to a different mindset is about doing things differently. It’s hard! I admit it. But in order to change things, there has to be something to give up on and something new to welcome into your life.
Be persistent and have faith in your abilities. Also, be gentle with yourself. You know what you want, you have noticed that this struggle doesn’t control you anymore. That’s already a start! Remind yourself daily that this too shall pass, it’ll get better.
For a human being, evolving is natural. Embrace changing your thoughts and habits. Remember who you are and don’t always believe your thoughts, especially if they make you feel miserable. Trust that the universe has your back and will support you wholeheartedly.