We have presumably all experienced a wide range of disappointments in our personal and professional lives, hardships ranging from study and job-related letdowns to feelings of exclusion and rejection in more intimate relationships. Heartbreak, in particular, may destabilize one’s sense of self. Fascination with an enigmatic person often interweaves with a specific time and place, a magical atmosphere that over time transforms into a nostalgic memory. Particularly in an inspiring setting, also unrequited love may constitute a life-altering experience.
Personally, such a captivating encounter struck a chord with me. Although I’m still coming to terms with the intensity of the brief relationship, that connection seems long gone, buried in the past yet ever-present in daily actions. However palpable, those subtle moments are beyond my reach, ambiguous and unretrievable. I meticulously cherished the limited and thus invaluable time we shared, achingly aware of its devious nature. Despite my careful preparations and determined attempts to seize the day, the summer of insanity ended abruptly, leaving me somewhat altered. As high or even cautious expectations meet harsh reality, a heartache seems inevitable. Indeed, I’m enraged and disheartened by the unfairness of the circumstances, the small coincidences that turned against me. Now the season has changed and the mesmerizing contact is reduced to a blurry acquaintance, still loaded with emotion yet seemingly mundane in nature.
Although I embraced the multi-layeredness of infatuation and unexpected attachment, there is no need for romanticization. Instead of reciprocal and overwhelming bliss, those precious encounters were filled with self-conscious calculation from my part. The overall experience was certainly not all warm and fuzzy, but an immensely emotional endeavor overflowing with hesitation, uncertainty and anxiety. It was exhausting to adapt to another person’s selective attention whilst continuously planning my next move. The arbitrariness of the interactions was unsettling. Perhaps the peculiar and uneven relationship is even undeserving of sentimental words. Indeed, as the wound is still fresh, I feel the need to demystify the experience as a form of self-preservation.
Contradictorily, however, I wish to beautify the encounter, to embellish the interplay between two people however unsuited to each other. I’m thus writing these lines from a place of affection, reminiscing about dreamy summer days in exquisite landscapes. In fact, the milieu plays a pivotal role in this luckless romance, providing a bittersweet backdrop for my enchanted days.