If you ever feel like being shy holds you back in class and may even have a negative effect on your grade, you’re certainly not the only one. Our education system often seems to favour those who have no problem sharing their thoughts in class, which can be frustrating for those who do not find it easy to “take the floor” in front of other students and the teacher. However, it’s important for shy students to remember some points that are easily forgotten when they feel like it’s all about “being active”.
“Being active” isn’t all about talking – and teachers see more than you think
From primary school to university, I’ve repeatedly been told that “being active” in class can positively affect my grade. For me, hearing this has rarely been encouraging, because “being active” has usually seemed to mean volunteering to comment on something in front of the whole class, which as a shy person I don’t find easy to do. Especially in school, I sometimes felt frustrated knowing that I was actively listening and thinking to myself, but that sort of activeness seemed to be invisible to my teacher, and to have zero positive effect on my grade. I often felt like my teachers probably thought of me as either stupid or uninterested for being quiet. Also in university, I once heard another student say how teachers must think of her as being really stupid for almost never saying anything in class.
However, teachers have probably come across all kinds of personalities in their work, and they certainly know it’s difficult for some to speak in class. While students who often comment in class may indeed be remembered more easily, teachers also understand talking is not the only way of being active. In a course I took, the teacher actually said she knew that not everyone felt comfortable commenting in class, and that to her, “being active” meant showing in some way that we were listening, even if just by looking her in the eye when she was talking. I knew this didn’t mean I would get credit for actually contributing to class discussion, but I found it really nice that the teacher explicitly acknowledged different personalities; at least it became clear that she didn’t think a number of us really had nothing to say. Many teachers don’t say it out loud, but that doesn’t mean they don’t think about it – and they certainly don’t think you’re stupid.
Grading criteria don’t determine “good” and “bad” personality traits
Quite often only written work is taken into account when grading, but sometimes classroom demeanor also counts. Perhaps some teachers do value making yourself heard over other types of activeness, because it may be the easiest type to trace – the teacher can’t be sure your mind isn’t on lunch, even if you seem to be observing class discussion most intently. Nonetheless, grading and classroom culture don’t make your personality “good” or “bad”, no matter how established and powerful it is. It’s hard to embrace a personality trait in yourself that’s not generally being hailed as a “good” trait and that doesn’t seem to benefit you in the community where you study, but it’s important never to judge your personality based on grading criteria; the criteria are only an indication of what is valued by your teacher or the institution where you study, not an indication of what qualities are “generally” valuable – this is always subjective and context-dependent. Personally, I’ve often found myself giving way too much importance to my grades in terms of how I see myself – but getting a lower grade for not being “active” doesn’t make anyone less capable as a student.
Reflect on your self-image – and don’t be afraid to change it
It’s important to reflect on what kind of classroom situations intimidate you, and what it is exactly that holds you back. This is because there are different ways and levels of being shy in class; for example, for me the hardest thing usually isn’t to talk in front of others, but to self-initiate my turn. Also, you should be careful not to stereotype yourself as a shy person; for example, being shy doesn’t make you unsocial, or lacking in social skills (which aren’t the same thing), and shy is not the opposite of brave. Furthermore, being shy is not a bad thing, but if you want to make your opinions heard, don’t let your own preconceptions of yourself hold you back. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who is shy in many situations, but I’ve also found myself hiding behind this self-image – sometimes I require less of myself than what I could do, because I cut myself a lot of slack for being shy. However, I’ve noticed that after ending up in certain intimidating situations time and time again, I’ve grown less and less shy over the years – which means I need to update my self-image. I’m definitely not saying shyness is ever “optional”, or that it’s a bad thing – I’m just saying that you should try not to let your identity as a shy person hold you back too much. In other words, try not to turtle into your shell just out of habit – only when it actually comes natural to you, or when you actually need to do it.
And what about in working life?
I’ve been told many times that networking and marketing yourself are essential skills for finding work – I’ve often found this quite discouraging, because it’s not something I’m good at. If you feel the same way, you may indeed need to develop some new skills and step out of your comfort zone, but once again it’s important to remember that any criteria for getting a job are not criteria for “good” and “bad” personalities, and they don’t say anything about what you’re like as a person. Besides, there are lots of different qualities that can make you a good candidate for a job – for example reliability, diligence, wittiness, punctuality, friendliness – you name it. Playing to your strengths can take you a long way!
Also check out our article on conquering your fear of speaking in public here!