To me it happens almost every year when summer ends and the courses start again. I can’t help it; I start comparing myself to others. How well am I doing? Am I good enough? Is someone better? Back in high school, it was more about appearance and popularity, whereas at university we compare achievements. We all know that graduating and getting a job that corresponds to your degree isn’t easy these days, and this can build up enormous stress. A competitive atmosphere does not go well with a weak self-confidence.
The three most powerful words I’ve ever learnt to say to myself are “I am enough”. This simple phrase was a very important realization for me at a time when I had just begun my studies. I was constantly comparing myself to others and worried that I wasn’t good or smart enough. Once I understood that this was not true and it was not healthy for me to think this way, I started to pay more attention to my self-confidence and how I was talking to myself.
Today I would say I am pretty confident. Building my self-confidence has been a conscious project and I don’t think it will ever end. It is just too easy to slip back to comparing yourself to others and feeling worthless. It’s easy but also it’s poisonous. Let’s not spread that poison. Here are a few tips for building and maintaining a good self-confidence:
1. Accepting yourself as you are is always the first step. It’s quite easy to accept yourself when you’re successful, looking nice and fit, and everything is going your way. But we need to accept our flaws and faults as well. Even when you haven’t made it to the gym in a while or your studies aren’t going so well or you’ve failed badly at something, you are a worthy person. Nobody’s perfect.
2. Be realistic. If your goals and standards are way too high, you’re bound to not reach them and end up disappointed again and again. You might start to perceive yourself as a loser and give up, when actually you’re only just being a little too demanding. It’s good that you expect big things from yourself, but also make short-term goals along the way. They are much easier to accomplish and succeeding in them builds up your self-confidence as well.
3. Stop comparing. Concentrate on your own life and do your thing. Find out what’s unique about you and learn to appreciate that.
4. Dress up nice. Take care of your health. Sing, dance and laugh. Do the things that make you happy and treat yourself like you treat your best friend. Give yourself compliments and pat yourself on the back every now and then.
5. I found a quote that I think sums up what good self-confidence is all about: “Don’t think less about yourself. Think about yourself less.” When looking for all of your faults and comparing yourself to others, you’re actually being kind of selfish. You’re focusing all your energy on you. When you are in peace with yourself, you don’t have to think about yourself all the time. You can concentrate on other things and other people. Stare outside the window instead of in the mirror. Believe that you are a good person and you can become an even better one.
With these tips I hope to wish you all a very good and beautiful autumn!