Double standards are hard to talk about because in many ways the message can be difficult to communicate. However, one thing I can confidently say is that it’s unfair. I was inspired to write two letters today after feeling unjustly disrespected by a boy. Join me as I explore my thoughts and look toward a future where double standards don’t exist, and women can act freely with no degrading or unfair judgment.
An Open Letter to My Mom:
Dear Mom,
Today, we were both disappointed when a boy we both liked, insinuated that he heard I was an easy target. I was upset and I told you that it wasn’t fair, but you made sure I didn’t let one person make me forget who I was. In one conversation you helped me remember what I am worth. You reminded me that my actions can speak louder than anyone’s words, and I have nothing to prove to those who don’t deserve to be in my life in the first place.
Thank you for being the best support system in the entire world. You have been there for me in a way that no one else can, and I only hope I can do the same for my children in the future. The strength you give me has inspired me to make this world a better place. I’m so thankful I am able to share my life with you, and turn to you when I need encouragement. I know that not every mother and daughter get to have our relationship, so I hope I can make a change and stop the problem at its source. I’m so thankful for everything you do for me mom, and I could never put into words how much you mean to me. I just wanted to let you know that you are the reason why I am so happy, and have the will to create a better world for future generations.
Wanu,
Shiina
The conversation with my mom today, made me feel obligated to change how things are being done. We all deserve to feel good, and no body should get in the way of that. She inspired me to make this next commitment.
An Open Letter to My Future Daughter:
Dear Beautiful,
At 20 years-old, I am not sure too about a lot of things, but thing for sure is that I want my daughter to grow up in a setting where she is ALWAYS respected, and I’ll suffer if it means I can make the change. I am writing to you today to let you know that I am doing my part to change the way women are treated.
Based on my personal experience, it almost feels as if some people don’t even realize the pain they cause when disrespecting me as a woman. It’s my job to stand up to these people so that they understand, and one day you won’t have to be treated in a way you don’t deserve. No man who sees you as an object deserves your time. When I find myself in these positions from now on I promise to let them know that they’re wrong, and I will not tolerate it. I’ll put in perspective what their sisters and future daughters will continue to face if there isn’t a change. This type of response gives opportunity for a negative response from ignorant minds, but it’s an important one that will at least leave us feeling empowered. At the end of the day if you know you did the right thing, your heart will find peace in whatever you do. The right guy will see you for who you are, and that’s the only one you should invest your time in.
It’s a cruel world out there, and it’s even harder for a confident and beautiful girls like us. When I was your age, I took every opportunity to talk to a cute boy, and gave lots of chances, because let’s face it-it’s fun. I had the attitude that I had nothing to lose when meeting someone new, and the attention was always flattering. It has been a journey getting there, but I have found respect for myself and am proud of everything I have accomplished, that’s why it hurts me so bad to think about the world we live in. It’s no secret that there are double standards when it comes to women and their relationships with men. No matter what type of relationship it is, if you’ve had multiple, you’re looked at as an easy target. To them, it doesn’t matter that it didn’t go beyond texting, they see your friendly attitude as an opportunity to tell their friends you’re into them, giving the friends some sort of green light thinking they could get something from you too.
I started to see this with the boys my friends were talking to, and then one day I received the same sort of interaction, except I couldn’t believe the way it was relayed to me. I was talking to a boy who bluntly suggested I come over to get something he “knows I’ve wanted for a while”. When I declined, he confronted me as if I was putting on some sort of act, because he has heard different. This frustrated me, because I know he has no reason to believe that, and if it was true, why would he say it like that anyway?
After consulting with my friends and mom I realized I am not the problem, and there needs to be a change in the way we as women are spoken to. Even when I know the truth, I’m left leaving that conversation feeling terrible about myself and questioning many things. What has he heard? Do I have a reputation? Am I looked at as that easy of a target?
Shortly after another set of questions began to arise in my head. Why did he think telling me this would help his chances of hooking up with me? Why would my past interactions have mattered? Why are women degraded if they have interacted with multiple boys, when it’s never seen as a bad thing the other way around? Don’t get me wrong, I believe if a women wants to freely be with a man, she has every right to (but she will most likely be called something derogatory).This all goes back to the same point: double standard should not exist. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I highly doubt a man would ever be in this same situation. Men are praised for hooking up with different girls on multiple occasions, a girl does 2% of that and she has ugly reputation.
This issue is hard to address, and even writing to you about it, I feel as if I am not able to clearly explain to you the situations women are facing. What I do know is today I felt hurt from something that I didn’t deserve, and from now on I will not let the conversation end so abruptly. It’s easy to leave these situations by staying silent, but what we need is a difference. I promise to identify and confront the disrespect and unjust treatment I receive, and by doing so not only will I stand my own ground, but I will fight for women of all ages. I believe that doing this can create a change.
I’m going to end this letter with something I hope you already know, and it’s that you’re worth this. It’s clear that you are special, and you should never ever allow anyone else to make you feel any different. I vow to you, to use my confidence and voice to make a difference in this world, so that one day you are only treated with the respect you’ve earned.
Love,
Mom
It’s time to make a change collegiettes, it starts with us and our direct responses to this treatment.