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Sex + Relationships

Unique Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship Based on Both of Your Love Languages

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

It’s important to know a lot about yourself before getting into any kind of relationship because that’ll create a better foundation for you and your partner or even a future friend. You should never have to rely on someone for all of your happiness but rather allow them to accentuate your life and challenge you to be a better person, as you should do the same. Something that may help you create better relationships is knowing your love language and knowing their love language as well. Love languages are very telling of a person and can help give you key insight to what they may or may not enjoy within the relationship.

If you don’t know what your love language is, please take the quiz here!
Here is another HerCampus read about love languages if you are interested in learning more!

How You Can Better Yourself and Your Relationship Based on Your Love Language

Acts of service

If your love language is AoS, then it’s apparent that you love when your partner/friend goes out of their way to do something thoughtful for you, whether that’s something as simple as taking out the trash or something as big as planning an entire surprise party for your birthday. Something you can try doing on your own is doing an act of service for yourself, whether that’s ordering UberEats so you don’t have to cook or donating the clothes you don’t wear anymore. Doing these acts for yourself will allow you to maintain your independence, which in terms should create a stronger relationship.

Receiving gifts

This love language is very self explanatory; you love receiving gifts but this does not make you materialistic. You enjoy the fact that someone thought of you and went out of their way to get/make you something thoughtful. It could be something like receiving a Spotify playlist of all your favorite songs or a brand new jacket you’ve been wanting for months. Something you can try doing on your own is treating yourself once in a while (ex. Going out for coffee or ordering something off your Amazon wishlist). Treating yourself every now and then can help you by establishing your own self worth and self love, which is necessary for both parties to create a healthy foundation to a relationship. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect to love someone else?

quality time

If your love language is QT, that means you don’t care where you are or what you’re doing, as long as you’re with your loved one. This is such a special love language because you are happy with just having their undivided attention on you, vice versa. Something you can try doing on your own to better your relationships is spending quality time with yourself and getting to understand who you really are (ex. Your likes, your dislikes, your personal barriers). As I stated earlier, before you get into any relationship, it’s important to know yourself first. Try going on a solo hike/walk or try journaling your thoughts about your daily life and relationships! This will give you important “me time” and help you reflect on what you truly want in your relationships.

physical touch

If your love language is PT, then it’s obvious that you love hugs, kisses, cuddles, or even just sitting next to your partner or friends! You love sharing that close physical connection. Something you can try doing on your own to better your relationships is having a physical relationship with yourself. By this I mean you should know your own body (ex. What feels good, what feels bad); you can try doing meditation, yoga, or treating yourself to a massage. Activities like these will strengthen your body and mind in order to give you a clear idea of how you want your relationships to look. It will also help you understand physical boundaries of yourself and your loved one, which can create healthier relationships!

words of affirmation

If your love language is a WoA, then you already know that you love hearing or reading positive comments about the things you do; it’s what helps get you through hard times. Something you can try doing on your own to better your relationships is write down a list of your strengths and things you can improve on (ex. Expressing your appreciation towards your partner/friend, overstepping boundaries, holding grudges). This will give you a visual understanding of ways to better your relationship, which you can communicate with your partner or friends.

How You Can Better Your Relationship Based on Their Love Language

acts of service

If your partner/friend is AoS, then we already know that they love when you do random acts of kindness for them, no matter how small or big. Something you can do to strengthen your relationship is trying to take a load off of their back. Think of something they really dislike doing (ex. Taking out the trash, folding the laundry, cooking dinner); try and do it for them more than once a week. However, make sure you don’t ask if they need help, but rather just do it. This will show them that you’re really paying attention to their life and make them feel appreciated.

receiving gifts

If your partner/friend likes receiving gifts, then that’s easy for you! Think of something they would really enjoy and surprise them when they least expect it. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on a gift, but rather have something with a lot of thought and meaning. For example, lots of people love receiving playlists with songs you think they might like, a painting/drawing, or even their favorite food/candy! This will show your loved one that you took the time out of your day to make/buy them something they weren’t expecting.

quality time

If your partner/friend is QT, then they love spending time with you regardless of the activity! My partner is QT and something I’ve noticed they don’t enjoy is when I’m on my phone too much (even if we’re just watching a movie). My recommendation is that you should try putting your phone away completely if you are doing an activity with your QT loved one. Even if they don’t say it, it’s obvious they want your undivided attention. Another simple thing you can do is try going on a daily/nightly walk (without phones) and talk about your highs and lows of the day. This is a good time to recap each other’s day and learn more about one another!

physical touch

If your partner/friend is PT, then you know that they love all the physical sensations that come with a relationship. PT makes them feel loved and comforted within the relationship. Something you can do to strengthen your relationship with a PT is ask them randomly if they want a massage/back rub, you can take them to a dance class, or just remember to give them more hugs (or kisses) throughout your day. It should be the first thing you do when you see them! This will show them that you care about them, even if one of you is having a hard day. Who doesn’t love a good hug?

words of affirmation

If your partner/friend is WoA, it is obvious that they like to be told positive verbal acknowledgements in order to thrive in a relationship. Things are not going to go well if you completely ignore them or talk about yourself a little too much. I know I am guilty of going through the day and not acknowledging the things I love about my partner, and that is something I’d like to work on. Something you can try is writing a sticky note everyday with one thing you love about them or one thing they did that you appreciated. You can hide the sticky note somewhere hidden (not too hidden) or somewhere obvious, just make sure they’ll see it that day!

Aloha! My name is Keilyn and I am a Graduate Student studying Public Health at the University of Hawai'i at Mānoa. I enjoy going to the beach, reading mystery books, cooking, and playing with my puppy, Kaiba! I love being on the HER Campus Hawaii Team and sharing my stories!
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