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Sex + Relationships

Things I Learned After Getting Cheated On

After getting cheated on this year, I was at one of my lowest points ever. I genuinely felt as though my world stopped, I was no longer deserving of love, and all I could think about was the other girl. But after some self-reflection and A LOT of crying sessions with my friends, I learned some lessons.

It was not my fault

I was the one who was wronged. I was the one who was mistreated. I was the one who didn’t deserve any of it. But at the time, I was the bad guy in my eyes. I worked too many hours and didn’t spend enough time with him, so I thought it was my fault he cheated on me. I didn’t give him enough attention, so I believed it was my fault he went out to seek for attention from another girl. But it was not my fault. I learned that I shouldn’t devote all my time to my partner, and I was not in the wrong for picking up hours and earning money for myself.

Know where to put the blame

I was an idiot for only blaming myself in the beginning. But I was a bigger idiot for putting all the blame on the other girl when I realized it wasn’t my fault. I had pointed fingers at the wrong person again. Although she had some part in it too (knowing about our relationship), she shouldn’t have been the only person I released all my anger and frustrations on. She made no promises to me, and she didn’t owe me anything. But he did and I should have held him accountable.

Some people deserve second chances

When I got cheated on, all I heard was “leave him” and “he doesn’t deserve you.” But I knew that at the end of the day, it was my relationship. Whether or not I chose to leave him, it was completely up to me. And I chose to forgive him and stay with him. This wasn’t a popular decision amongst my friends, but I decided that he deserved another chance if he was going to change. I believe that if someone can prove that they can change and make an effort to change, they do deserve to get another chance.

Getting cheated on sucked. Most people who have been cheated on will probably agree. But at the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life. The choices and mistakes your partner make shouldn’t control how you see yourself. It’s okay to cry and feel your emotions because you’re human. But never, ever put someone on a higher pedestal than the one you’re standing on.

Aloha everyone! I'm Mary Joy, born and raised on the island of O'ahu. I'm a junior majoring in Accounting. On my free time, I enjoy finding new places to eat, spending time with friends, and spending hours on TikTok!
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