Whether you’re anticipating a chick-flick marathon with your best gal pals or a hot date with your significant other this Valentine’s Day, it will serve you well to understand the many different “love languages,” as outlined in The Five Love Languages by bestselling author Gary Chapman.
It’s easy to think of February 14th as the perfect time to express your love for other people, especially in a romantic way. With flowers, chocolates, and bright displays of pink and red goodies invading every store, ignoring the spirit of love in the air is a near impossible task. But here’s the thing: love is not limited to any one date on your calendar, nor is it specific to romantic and intimate relationships.
Once in a while comes a glaring reminder that the simple act of getting through a daily routine or waking up each morning to new opportunities is all too often taken for granted. Maybe you realized this from the sudden and tragic accident that claimed the lives of nine individuals including Laker legend Kobe Bryant, or from the loss of a loved one battling a terminal illness. The thought of leaving behind your time on earth—and all that you’ve ever known—can be daunting. At the same time, you are empowered by the acknowledgment of your mortality. With the knowledge that your days are inevitably numbered, you can make it a point to live each day with intention and take every chance you get to express the gratitude and love you have for those who mean the most to you.
Be it romantically or platonically, being cognizant of the way you display your love for others (and the way others demonstrate their love for you) can enhance the emotional depth of the relationships in your life. This general breakdown of Chapman’s love languages is sure to strengthen your connections in some way or another, so let’s get started!
Physical Touch
After a physically, mentally, or emotionally draining day, all some people want is to be hugged or held close. If this sounds like someone you care about, physical touch may be their love language. For these individuals, non-verbal expressions like cuddles, kisses, or even hand-holding can be a powerful source of comfort and relief from the struggles of daily life. Just make sure that you aren’t overstepping any boundaries or violating this person’s space before making an attempt to connect with them in this way. When in doubt, always ask!
Receiving Gifts
While some people feel bad for accepting gifts (no matter how expensive or inexpensive they are), others take a special liking to this display of generosity and thoughtfulness. Contrary to common belief, it’s not necessary to break the bank to speak this love language. A lot of the time, home-made gifts are what strike an emotional chord with the recipient, as it symbolizes the amount of time and energy you’ve invested in making something special for them. Maybe you’re considering making your best friend a collage using pictures from your favorite memories together or writing a heartfelt letter to your special someone. Anything like this is great for loved ones who attach special meaning to the gifts they receive.
Acts of Service
I don’t know about you, but I have a special place in my heart for the friends and family who generously offer me a ride so that I don’t have to catch the bus by myself in sketchy or unfamiliar places. At a glance, you probably wouldn’t consider a ride from someone as an expression of love. However, the fact that they made it a point to do something nice for you (when they were under no obligation to do so) clearly demonstrates how much they value their relationship with you. The simplest acts of service—from cleaning the house for your parents or baking your partner’s favorite goodies—can speak volumes about how much you love and appreciate the people in your life. Those who value acts of service will definitely feel honored by your kind gestures.
Words of Affirmation
You’ve probably heard the phrase “reassurance is key” before. And if you’ve never heard it, I’m sure you’ve seen it somewhere in a text post on Instagram. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to give them your full attention, listen to what they’re saying, and lift their spirits with kind words that radiate unwavering support and encouragement. This tends to work extremely well when trying to reach out to loved ones who deal with anxiety or struggle with self-confidence, but literally anyone can benefit from receiving positive words. Give this a try by complimenting someone’s outfit, congratulating them on achieving a goal, or simply sending kind phrases their way.
Quality Time
This is, without a doubt, my personal love language. As any college student knows, time is money. Each day, we have a mere 86,400 seconds to do it all: go to a lecture, finish homework, budget time for extracurricular activities, make money from a part-time job, work out, give our bodies time to rest and recuperate—the list is endless. That’s why it’s especially meaningful to me when people reserve time in their day for our plans. Something as simple as grabbing a meal together, watching the sunset, or going for a walk with someone makes my heart feel full (think “puppy dog eye” emojis x1000). People who treasure quality time likely feel overwhelmingly happy and privileged that someone values their relationship enough to take precious time out of their day to hang out. Don’t forget that it’s always helpful to put down your phone and be present in the moment when you’re having some QT, as giving someone your undivided attention demonstrates a willingness to engage in meaningful conversations about more vulnerable topics, like emotions or perspectives on different issues.
Hopefully reading through each of these love languages has helped you to identify your own love language and that of those in your life. In any case, open communication about what you or your loved ones want and need in a relationship will enable each of you to become more receptive to one another’s personal preferences. If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this: do not hesitate to express the depth of your love and appreciation for those who mean the most to you. On Valentine’s Day and every day, you can never go wrong by expressing your fluency in the five languages of love!