Resident Guy: Sex On the First Date

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Resident Guy is HCHI's very first guy/girl column that gives the male side on female aspects of life. This week, our Resident Guy weighs in on the topic of sex on the first date. Read on to see how his opinion differed from that of the HCHI staff.

Resident Guy:

The idea of sex on the first date is in the back of every guy's mind before and during this first encounter.  It’s really a case-by-case discretion for me.  There’s definitely something to be said about a girl who is willing to give it up on the first night.  Personally, I’m much more attracted to the girl who shows her confidence and morals, rather than her attempt at being an open and free-spirited lover. There have been certain occasions where I’ve felt differently, but if I were to describe an ideal meeting with someone special, I’d say sex on the first date wasn’t involved.

Pros

  • Usually it’s fun and exciting
  • Sex satisfies our needs
  • On rare occasions it can be intimate

Cons

  • Sex on the first date can take away the mysterious and exciting feelings associated with a new relationship
  • Many guys will lose respect for the girl (this is just a cold fact)
  • It can make the new relationship more complicated and possibly awkward

I don’t think any guy is going to tell you they don’t like or want to have sex following a first date, but for the sake of this article I’m giving my sober and unaroused opinion on the matter.  Sex on the first date is risky business… I’m probably not going to be as excited about the next date and I probably won’t respect you the way I would have, had you held out on me.  In short, I think sex on the first date is okay if both parties know that the relationship isn’t going anywhere and no emotional attachment is present.  On the other hand, if you can see the possibility of a future relationship then it’s best to keep it in your pants.

HCHI:

The first question to ask yourself is, “Do I want to have sex with this person?” followed by, “Does this person want to have sex with me?” If “yes” is the answer to both of these questions, then go for it. You are an adult capable of making your own decisions, and if one of these decisions happens to be sex shortly after meeting someone, then power to you.

You no longer have someone in your life enforcing a curfew or telling you not to have ice cream for breakfast, so why should you let anyone else have control of your decisions when it comes to the bedroom? Just to be clear, I am not advocating sleeping your way through an entire friend group (if only because it is sometimes important to consider others' feelings). I am encouraging you to recognize that you hold the power to make your own choices, and should not let your actions be dictated by societal expectations of what it takes to be a "good woman." 

Society's negative stance on women putting out before entering into a committed relationship is archaic. If you are looking for a long-term relationship and the only thing holding you back from having sex is the saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I would suggest looking for a man that wants more than just your "milk" out of the encounter. If the issue is compatibility and you are looking for someone with the same morals as you, pausing to consider your own morals may help to understand any hesitations you have. 

What it comes down to is how you personally feel about the situation. If you want to have sex on the first date, do it. If you don't, then don't do it. Simple. Above all, if s/he judges you or treats you differently because you chose to (or not to) have consensual sex with him/her, then consider the relationship a waste of time and move on to better things and people. 

The only reservation you should have is when it comes to concerns of STDs and pregnancy. Always be safe and use birth control (condoms, spermicide, pills, etc); neither a one-night-stand nor potential long-term relationship is worth an unwanted disease or child.