I recently spent some time with an old friend that has completely turned her life upside down. I’ve known her for years, over 20, and through it all, she has never had a clear direction or momentum moving her in any which way. She was always like a feather in the wind, unsure, unrooted, whipping about, with no particular path that would lead to what we all want, what we crave: happiness, security, and an amazing future.
I was pleasantly surprised to hear how everything she was always so uncertain about has become abundantly clear and now pursuing her dreams with a ferociousness I haven’t ever known her to have. However, it also left me with questions. Many, but the most important being: What gave rise to this fire within her?
All my life I thought I knew what I wanted to do in life, I had a fire, until the time came to begin making decisions and I found myself overwhelmed with choices. I didn’t realize there were so many and how unsure I was about what I truly wanted to do. This applied in many different aspects of my life. What major to choose, what career I wanted to give my time to, where I wanted to live for college, where I wanted to live for law school, if I wanted to still GO to law school, where I would want to live permanently? Did I want to travel the world before a career or establish myself first? Would I want to stay in America or live somewhere else like Europe? Mexico? Would I ever get used to the different laws if I did decide to go abroad? There are so many factors, so many choices that even now, as a college senior set to graduate in May, I still haven’t come to a decision on. If anything, my time in school has only given rise to more uncertainty. I’ve met the love of my life, now I need to double all those questions I already had for myself and try to create a middle ground, a compromise that would work for the both of us as we graduate together and attempt to plan our future.
These questions are things that I find echoing not only in myself, but in many of my friends that never went to college, are still in college, and those who have already graduated. I find these questions written across all methods of social media, thousands of articles on google dedicated to helping people of all ages “figure it out.” Knowing what you want to do seems like it’s something that should be a given, I mean, we’ve only been asked a million times dating back to kindergarten. Yet, here we all are, young adults struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel, the dream that is worth following and realistic to achieve.
When my friend told me she found that light and she was going down that tunnel to reach it, sprinting really, full-express into happiness, security, and that amazing future that comes with doing what you’re passionate about, I asked her, “how? How did you focus on yourself? Find yourself? Become confident enough that you wouldn’t regret what you studied, what you were applying for, what you would practice that you were able to finally pursue something? How did you find your passion?”
She shrugged, unsure how to explain it, and said “I’m not really sure. I took a long detour to get here, but now I’m here and it seems so simple.”
I pondered a lot on what she said and I tried to piece together her life in my mind to see how she got there. I needed more answers. A push, a whisper, something that could clear up some of the uncertainties, give me a direction.
The answer was a lot simpler than I thought. My troubles all began when I started asking questions, when I doubted everything about who I was and what I wanted to do. I forgot to keep living life, to keep trudging forward, I forgot to maintain the flame burning within me and instead I drenched it with all my fear and worries and that’s why I felt so lost.
My friend was right, she got there and it became simple. I can’t force my way into knowing my future, I can only live my present until I get there. Day by day. Nothing needs to be figured out now. We’ve gotten so lost comparing our way of life to that of others, wishing to cram our feet into shoes of different sizes, to follow the successes of others despite it not being our passion. There is no right or wrong. Honestly, there is no answer. There are no choices to be made until you reach that crossroads. I spent 3 years in college in a constant state of stress about what came after and still have no answer to satisfy or at least justify all that time wasted. Here I am, still stressing and the after still hasn’t come. It will come, but until then, there is no need to stress, to worry, to be in a state of constant uncertainty. The decision doesn’t need to be made yet. When I reach that time, I’ll make a choice.
For now, I’m happy existing. Life is a beautiful thing, regardless of the choices we make, the time that passes by, it remains beautiful if we give our full attention to the present. The path that you’re meant to take will become clear, let yourself walk, enjoy the journey, and never forget, we’re all in this together.