In 2009 Akon and David Guetta released a modern miracle in the form of the song “Sexy Bitch”. Although the upbeat tempo, catchy lyrics, and dance-ability of this song score a 10/10 with me I did have one small problem.
Akon claims that he doesn’t want to be “disrespectful” to this glowing goddess he has his eye on, which is great because I’m all for respectful flirting interactions! But here’s the thing: Akon, the words sexy bitch aren’t super respectful.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Akon as much as the next person stuck in their preteens, which is why I made a list of ten things that Akon does better than being respectful.
List is in a very particular order.
1. Naming the Britney Spears song by the opening instrumental.
2. Opening pickle jars that no one else can get, although he always gives everyone else credit for loosening it up.
3. Bird calls.
4. Paying attention to that one person in the group who’s trying to tell a story even though no one else is listening.
5. Sending encouraging text messages to friends throughout the day.
6. Turning off his cell phone at the movies. I mean really turning it all the way off, not just on airplane mode or silent, like holding down the power button off, every time he sees a movie.
7. Remembering his mother’s birthday and sending her card and presents with adequate time using his extensive knowledge of the mail carrier service.
8. Always keeping an extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for guests.
9. Reading the auras of his backup dancers and placing them around the stage accordingly.
10. Knowing the perfect selfie angle for not only him but most of his closest friends so they all look cute in the pictures he takes of them.