In honor of presidents’ day, my colleagues suggested that I write something presidentsy (I know it’s not a word), and then, they decided to go off and generate a bunch of great ideas, including a Hamilton rip-off, because it must be so easy to follow in the steps of Lin-Manuel Miranda, and write some White-House Poetry Slam worthy goodness that is full of rhythm, character, and history. To be honest, I’ve never actually really listened to Hamilton before, with the exception of “Aaron Burr, Sir,” so I went on a Hamilton Binge in order to try and write this thing. (Yes, “Hamilton Binge” purposefully capitalized, because Hamilton Binges are a thing.) So…please allow me to present the intro to: “Teddy.”
Allegro
Um, four four…
In a rap style…
Here goes:
When you were little, and going to bed,
And you mother said,
“Goodnight my dear,
That’s right
Sleep tight,
And don’t forget,
Your teddy bear.”
And you cuddled with him,
And fell asleep,
Finally at the limit
Of counting sheep.
But in your dreams,
Did you ever wonder?
The bear’s called Teddy–
Is it a point or blunder?
If you never cared,
Then look away,
But if you’re curious,
I bid you do stay,
For I am here to solve this mystery,
Without the pain of AP history.
CHORUS: (Uuuuuuuuugh. APUSH.)
Time is a ticking, let’s cut to the chase,
C’mon, let’s go, life is a race.
CHORUS: (Especially if someone behind you’s holding a big stick.)
Your bear was named
After a famous resident,
Of the White House–
Oh yes, a president.
Busting trusts, passing laws,
(Aren’t you glad your meat doesn’t have claws?)
Theodore Roosevelt, don’t forget the “Junior,”
And he created the National Parks,
Along with John Muir.
He fought in some wars,
Mediated agreements–
And won a Nobel,
Such an underachievement;
Oh what the hell!
His deals were square,
Softly he spoke,
Metaphorical stick in hand,
Like an artichoke…
CHORUS: (RhymeZone has its limits…)
He was part of the Rough Riders in the Spanish American War…
CHORUS: Teddy…
He wanted the USA to make a great start…
CHORUS: Teddy…
He believed in power and influence on the sea…
CHORUS: Teddy…
He believed in progressivism for you and for me…
CHORUS: Teddy…
Teddy
Teddy
Teddy!!!!!!
You ready?