1. Beyoncé is #flawless queen of the world.
2. She and her music run the world.
3. Every man wishes he were Jay-Z to put a ring on it.
These are presumably a priori facts, as central to our nation’s governance as any amendment or legal statute. A trailer to the fictional horror movie, The Beygency, both augmented this assumed cultural premise and solidified my Halloween costume.
Hailed as the best Saturday Night Live (SNL) skit in history, The Beygency trailer depicts Andrew Garfield as a man audacious (foolish?) enough to critique Beyoncé. “She is so good,” he exclaims. “I’m not a huge fan of that of one ‘Drunk in Love’ song though.”
Within seconds, Garfield’s slip of the tongue sends him running from The Beygency, the governmental force tasked with the responsibility to eliminate those who express anything short of absolute worship to the pop icon. During his escapade, Garfield encounters celebrity fugitives, one of whom made the fatal mistake of getting a tattoo revering Rihanna as #1.
I relish the upcoming holiday that will allow me to serve my rightful position as a member of The Beygency. While others will adorn themselves in hackneyed cat outfits, dress up as hotdog condiments, or write ‘book’ on their faces to garner the approval that eludes them on the social network, I will embrace my intersectional passions for politics and Yoncé. I will police the halls of Annenberg with my SURFBOARD beanie and matching sweater, tossing haters into the sea of social separation.
If you’d like to prepare yourself for my grand makeover, watch the trailer for The Beygency. But, be warned: it is rated NC-17, “for mild language against Beyoncé.”