First off, can we all agree that Valentines Day is probably the dumbest holiday ever? Yeah, I don’t think so either–but I do think that one’s lack of a love life has been incorrectly associated with this air of pathetic sadness. Obviously this isn’t the case! If you were without a Valentine this year, good for you! Being single on Valentine’s just means that you didn’t have to tie yourself to one person the entire day and night, and that you didn’t have to worry about what was the most relationship appropriate gift to get for your main squeeze! Maybe I don’t do Valentine’s Day correctly, but in my opinion candy hearts in a cardboard box or chocolates in a tin can are not cute, nor are they sweet. Honestly, they’re empty calories that when consumed in excess make you want to die–how is that love?
Quick disclosure: this also applies to the everyday life of a single person!
Maybe you’re a romantic and love conforming to social norms. If you are, sorry but you’re missing out! If you’re single on Valentine’s Day you DON’T buy ice cream, you DON’T watch a sad chick flick, you DON’T make your friends join in on your self-induced pitty party, and you DON’T you dare cry at any point of the day or night. You’re not some lonely spinster.
Here’s what you do: First of all, you need to get a group text of fun girls going, then you all will collectively decide what club or party is lucky enough to be graced with your illuminating presence. Once you have a plan, get together in one person’s room before going out, take champagne to toast your freedom, take makeup to enhance your obviously natural beauty, take at least two outfits, the kind of outfits that will bring the fellas to bended knee, and take heels! I don’t care if the snow is as tall as you, you put those heels on as an F-you to being sad and single. Once dressed and ready to go, take a selfie (you know, before your makeup melts away…). Hit the town and make googly eyes at the arm-candy-status-worthy dudes who are just dying to know how you’re even alone to begin with, dance with your friends and make memories that will sound a little something like, “Man, remember that one Valentine’s when we just killed it”? Being single on Valentine’s–or any day of the year–really is the best thing ever, and you’ll probably meet someone when you’re out thanks to the coupley culture of the day. Never feel bad about being single because being single is like a never-ending party without the hangover; it’s a blast so long as you remember that single means no drama, no emotional uncertainties, and no obligation! Now all you single people reading this, I expect a group message to be being set up, like right now. Have FUN acting your age and not like some century-old couple in a nursing home!