As little girls we’re taught how to braid and as women we’re taught how to cook but we are not exactly taught who we are sexually. Sure there’s sex ed, the class that everyone had to take but no one really understood at such a young age. All we knew was: sex means disease. But sex is so much more than just a way to transmit disease. The act itself is the deepest connection you can ever have with a person; a connection you should enjoy experiencing. Society may have us believe that this experience is something women should keep hidden and be ashamed of, however the exact opposite is true: we should be proud of our sexuality and own who we are. We as women are not taught how to be proud of who we are as sexual beings and really own our sexuality, whatever it may be. The process of allowing yourself to love yourself in its entirety is not as easily done as it may sound, but there are a few practices that can get the process moving.
-
Fall madly in love with your body. You deserve it!
I’m sure I speak for more than just me when I say it is hard to be proud of my body. With society constantly shaming, hypersexualizing, and instilling false expectations of what our bodies should look like, how can we embrace it? The short and simple answer: seize this reality and love your body in spite of society. Now, I don’t mean this to say we should only love our bodies because society doesn’t; but rather love yourself for yourself regardless of the social reality. You deserve to love your body just as much, if not more, than your partner does. Take the time to get to know your body. Stand in the mirror naked. Masterbate. Do whatever it takes to know the in’s and out’s of your body and fall madly in love with it! You will feel better knowing that even if no one else loves your body, you do. Be attracted to yourself and be proud of that attraction!
2. Don’t be afraid to have wants. Your wants matter just as much as your partner’s.
Whatever little education we are taught regarding sex presents the act a male pleasing activity; that the female is supposed to be pleased with pleasing the male. The lies! It takes two to tango and you matter just as much as the other person. With that being said, just as much as you want to fulfill your partners wants, they should want to fulfill yours but for that to happen you have to have them. It can be hard to have that conversation and disclose something that personal, but it is not something you should be ashamed of. Having wants sets the expectation for your partner and lets them know that you aim to be pleased as well. Be confident in what you want! If your partner isn’t willing to take your wants into account then it’s on to the next! Your partner is responsible for acknowledging your wants and fulfilling them. Yes, sometimes you will have to compromise depending on the comfort and experience of your partner, but that does not dismiss their responsibility to you.
3. If there’s something you don’t like, change it. Your sex life is yours. You have every right to own that.
Don’t like how aggressive they are? Think they could work on their tongue game? Tell them! If there’s something going on in bed that makes you uncomfortable or isn’t as enjoyable as you feel it could be, let your partner know. This is not to diminish your partner at all, rather make the experience more enjoyable for the both of you. We’re not perfect. Your partner may be experiencing the same feelings you are. That’s why it’s important to have that conversation and be honest about what you feel. The more you guys have these conversations, the more you learn what you guys like, and the better your shared experience will be.