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Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Is it possible for me and women to just be friends? That is an age-old question that has plagued men and women for years. Some will tell you that it’s biologically impossible. That men and women were made to love each other, reproduce and cannot just be friends.  Others will wholeheartedly disagree and offer up their personal experiences. While the rest will say it’s on a case by case basis. In college it seems to be a mix of ideas. But in 2016, who says it’s not perfectly plausible and healthy for men and women to have purely platonic relationship?

At our ages, having a bestie of the opposite sex probably helps in more ways than hurts. Men are always complaining about how they don’t understand women, and realistically girls get all confused over guys too. For men, a female companion shows him how to view a woman, consider her feelings and think more of than just someone to hook up with. For girls, guy friends can offer advice into dealing with that new boy- toy, especially when we forget how much guys don’t think the same as we do.

The negativity around the male and female friendship becomes and issue for some when either one has a significant other. So why do girlfriends despise the female best-friend? The answer is quite simple: she’s just as loyal to him, spends a significant amount of time with him and knows things maybe you don’t even know yet- and let’s face it, she’s probably cute. Noticing the dynamics of that relationship can be intimidating for any girlfriend. However, the answer isn’t found in making him choose between the two.

Guys, you notice that your girl hangs around a lot of males- that’s probably how you met her. She calls them her brothers, best friends or even maybe even her sons. As a guy, you probably think nothing of it but then you see them interact- they laugh at things you don’t laugh at, they have funny inside jokes, he knows her order at her favorite restaurant and you don’t. Now you’re feeling territorial huh? Who’s this guy to waltz in a known more about your shorty than you?! And now, you can’t help but to think if they’re this close in public, how close are they in private.

All that over thinking about your gals’ boy best friend and your guy’s girl best-friend will have you in the twilight zone, cringing over all the possible things they do when you’re not around.

Respect and trust are two major factor when dealing with the girl or guy best friend. Respect that they have experiences you and your significant other may never have. Trust, that your significant other has established boundaries with their opposite gender bestie.

A few strategies to ease those thoughts and totally nip the idea in the bud are easy. The first is honesty. If you’re concerned about the relationship just ask! Ask if they have ever dealt with each other sexually. The answer could be yes- you have to decide whether you feel comfortable with your significant other spending that much time with someone they have been intimate with. Now if the answer is no- in most cases it is- just ask for a bit of reassurance. We’re human and we want to be told that there’s no one else they’d dream of being with besides us. Also find something sacred. It could be a movie, a date, a word, anything that differentiates your relationship and their best-friend relationship- besides intimacy.  Lastly, be your girl or guy’s best friend. Be their confidant, their comedian and their lover all wrapped in one.

Her Campus contributing writer @ the Real HU |Hampton University'18
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