When Your Friend Gets a Bae


We all hope to be the bridesmaids in our friend’s weddings one day. Before we get to the weddings there must be a boyfriend in the picture. One of the hardest things in college, is having to share one of your closest friends with their new bae. On the other hand, it can be extremely hard for a new girlfriend to balance her friends and boyfriend. Nevertheless, we must learn how to compromise now, in order to make it to the wedding. Here are just a few tips to cope with being the new side chick:


1. Give the lovebirds space- The last thing you want to be is that annoying friend. If your friend is having her boyfriend in the room, simply leave.  Or, if she says that she’s going to be spending Valentine’s Day with her bae, don’t moan or complain. You don’t want to make your friend feel guilty about being in a relationship. Do not have your friend contemplating rather or not she should spend time with her new boo thang. When she has time to hang out with you eagerly accept the date.   


2. Just listen- When your friends come home from a date, they just want to tell you all about it. However, you probably do not want to hear another lovey dovely story. Nonetheless, some stories might not be as romantic as others. As a true friend we must be willing to support our friends no matter what. Ultimately, this means that we have to listen to all the details about their relationship. To take it a step further we must have joy when listening to them. The worst thing to do as friend is to be envious and mad towards your friend’s new relationship. Overall, you should be genuinely happy for your friend and new boyfriend.


3. Value the time you do have- Now that your friend has a boyfriend some of your quality time may be decreased. This means that every moment you have with your friend you should value it. For example if you guys have dinner in the café every Wednesday make it a point not to use your cellphones. This allows for there to be authentic conversations without any distractions. Secondly, find a new way to spend quality time with your friend. This means that you guys could start working out in the gym together. She obviously wants to look good for her new boyfriend and you simply want to be healthy. No matter how you guys decide to spend time together, just make sure that you value it.


4. Do not compare relationships- At some point multiple of your friends will be in relationships and maybe even you. Please note that every relationship isn’t the same. Each relationship will have different peaks and valleys.  It isn’t your job to point out every flaw in your friend’s relationship and then compare it to others.  As a friend we should always be uplifting our friends and their relationships. This doesn’t mean you can’t point out when something is wrong. However, when you’re talking about her relationship solely talk about her relationship.


5. Find another passion or new friend- Now that you have more time on your hand you need stuff to do.  This is the perfect opportunity to find a new friend. I am sure that there are many people on your campus who would love to be you friend. Additionally, you can pick up a new hobby. You might not have had enough time to participate in local yoga classes. This is the perfect time to start with your new friend. Whining that your friend is never around to hang out won’t accomplish anything.


I know from firsthand experience that it can be hard to watch your friend be distracted by a new boyfriend.  However, this is ultimately what we wanted for them. As friend we must make the best of the each situation. This means giving the new lovebirds space so that they can develop their own relationship. When she’s ready to talk about her relationship be excited to listen and do not have an envious attitude. Then value the time you have with you friend because your quality time is going to decrease.  Do not compare her relationship to your other friends’ relationships or even yours. Lastly, take this “alone” time to find a new passion or friend. Ultimately, when we get into a relationship we would want the same things done in return.