Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships

Ladies, this week we’re going to talk about unrealistic expectations in relationships. To give us some insight on the male perspective, Cameron Harris will be sharing his thoughts as well!

What are some common stereotypes about men/women? 

Cameron Harris: Many girls think that all guys look at is the physical appearance, but it’s not always about that. It’s about their mindset as well. Attracting people emotionally makes a bigger impact anyway.  Some guys have performance issues that can affect their self-esteem and since we already know y’all gone talk about us in the group chat, we are more self-conscious about how we do certain things. Many females also want someone with a lot of money which isn’t always ideal.  

Sherdell Baker: I feel like on both ends there are stereotypes. Males think that all females want is a lot of money or someone that’s tall. For some, those things are true but not for everyone. Yes, we have things that we like, but not every female finds these things to be necessities. Sometimes it’s just about the connection that you have with someone and who they are as a person. We also always wind up feeling a certain way about how guys don’t express themselves. We want our guys to be open, communicative and express themselves with us more but we don’t always realize that some guys (even though it seems like all guys) aren’t naturally conditioned like that. 

How does communication differ for men and women? 

SB: Most females are more talkative than men. However, there is the misconception that when a guy is quiet there’s something wrong which isn’t always the case. Females adore affection and like to be expressly shown all the love you have to give them. This doesn’t necessarily have to be 24/7, but every now and then it wouldn’t hurt. If the guy you’re with isn’t into all of those things, be mindful of that but still try to communicate your wants and needs within the relationship. 

CH: Guys are more a lot more laid-back & aren’t always as communicative as girls. Guys are more simplistic than females because females go more in-depth when it comes to expressing themselves. Meanwhile, guys just talk more surface level and leave it there. A lot of guys even struggle with showing affection unless they’re in “madly-in-love” mode with that person.  Females seem to always want a guy to be all cutesy with roses or treating them to different luxuries. But for guys, those extravagant displays of affection may not always be at the front of their mind. 

Let’s talk about “F*ck Boy Syndrome”

SB: Taking responsibility for toxic behavior is something that everyone struggles with. When you’re talking to a guy, sometimes you feel like you’re exclusive with them but they may not view it like that. If it’s established that you and that guy are dating but he treats other women the same way he treats you, then that’s where f*ck boy syndrome can come into play.

CH: Females feel like when you’re talking to them it’s only supposed to be you and them when it actuality, he could be talking to you and a couple of other girls. Unlike women, men don’t have strong emotional attachments so quickly or so early on. It’s easier for them to talk to several people because of that.

What do you think about men being hum drum or dry?

SB: When men are dry, it makes females feel like they are not enough. It makes some of us feel like we’ve made the guy bored with us and we don’t really know how to go about it.  

CH: It comes down to this… it’s not that we don’t like you, it’s more about finding opportunities to express yourself. A lot of times we are going through it and don’t know how to express that. In a situation where it seems as though he isn’t putting in as much effort as before or that things are slowing down, that should be communicated to that person. 

What about ghosting? 

SB: Females are more sensitive to disconnecting from people. Slowly inching away will make a female question day and night until it is officially confirmed that you all aren’t talking. Females also look at things from a more emotional lens than males so sometimes when one of us is ghosted, it can be taken personally. Now, I’ve learned that this isn’t always the case. 

CH: This makes guys think they still have a chance when you ghost a guy. It’s better to just rip that band-aid off and let him know how you feel. If it’s going south, yeah, it’s more emotionally blunt at first cause you’re going from relationship to no relationship but it’s better than having a false sense of security. The sooner you cut that off, the sooner it can get better overall. Once we decide something ain’t it, it just ain’t it. This is part of the reason why guys talk to multiple females cause if one doesn’t work out, you can go to the next one. We don’t care too much in the early stages because there aren’t so many feelings invested. It definitely takes guys more time to develop those stronger feelings.