There are people who are naturally happy alone. They’re unbothered and content with themselves and, everyone, at one point, should be. For some, riding solo can be a challenge. Although I didn’t mind being alone, I sometimes used to feel that if I was alone for too long, something was wrong. If I wasn’t at least busy, I’d feel the need to occupy myself in some fashion so that I wouldn’t feel and hear any external or internal silence. Then, the pandemic hit and I was forced to be with the only person I didn’t want to be stuck with. Myself. Despite all my reservations, I took the opportunity to reconnect with myself and remind myself that I am my best company.
It’s important to build a good relationship with yourself, it’s a worthy investment. After all, you do spend quite a bit of time with yourself, so you might as well learn to enjoy it. I started taking the time to adhere to my needs. What would make me happy today? How can I treat myself today? What would make me feel less burdened today? I started journaling, rekindling old hobbies, reading different books like memoirs, nonfiction, self-journeys, etc. After a while, I loved to take time with myself. I had regained that sense of peace and safety. However, I started getting a lot of heat about why I was taking so much time to myself and the peace and safety I had molded started to unravel. The word “lonely” was thrown around a lot and I suddenly felt the need to defend myself.
The concepts of “alone” and “lonely” are often tangled and it’s important to undo the misconception that if you’re alone you’re lonely. While there’s some overlap between them, they’re completely different concepts. I am a person who absolutely basks in solitude. I’m not antisocial or loveless. I am just happy with alone time. In fact, I look forward to it. That’s being alone, not being lonely. On the other hand, If I was surrounded by family and friends but not really relating beyond a certain point, which would have me feeling disconnected, then that would be loneliness. You can be alone and feel lonely, but the two don’t always have to go hand in hand.
In an article published in Psychology Today by Dr. Abigail Brenner, “The Importance of Being Alone,” Brenner writes, “Being alone allows you to drop your ‘social guard,’ thus giving you the freedom to be introspective, to think for yourself. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence.” I believe that people assume you’re lonely when you’re alone because society considers it to be deviant behavior. I was able to realize that I cannot rely on other people or things to promote growth.
Being alone with my thoughts, ideas, feelings, dreams, and frustrations was essential to cultivating a more well-rounded and grounded outlook on life. Who we are in social gatherings is not our most authentic self. We’re impacted and influenced by other people’s opinions. We care about how people perceive us. As a result, it’s easy to mold ourselves to who others want us to be or who we want to be in other people’s eyes.
I love taking myself out to lunch, sitting in spaces alone, journaling in daily routines. I’ve eased into a safe and productive space of solitude. I stopped comparing myself to others, took multiple phone breaks, exercised more, acknowledged the things I’m grateful for, and strengthened my coping skills. I appreciate the time I’ve taken to cherish the relationship with myself because I am the only person who will always have my back no matter what. In times that I feel lonely, I know that I have myself to pick me back up. People, friends, and sometimes family will come and go. No one else will know you as you know yourself. Utilize these moments to get to know yourself more so you can learn to know and love others more intentionally.