For some reason, the influence of the male gaze has toyed with the emotions of women in all age category For me, it all began in primary school, the relationship I had with the boys I knew my entire life began to shift. Little did I know, this shift would change how I viewed my relationship with my male counterparts for the rest of my life. Until very recently, I was not aware of the affects that the male gaze had on the heartstrings of women everywhere. As I now reflect I am curious to know if I had known what I know now, would I be the same person that I am today?
I remember my first crush like it was yesterday, I was eight years old and head over heels for a boy in my class. Barely five foot and a nice small; my adolescent self did not have any clue what she was feeling but I knew I got flustered talking to him. At that very moment, I began to compare myself to the other third grade girls in my class: Her skin was smoother than mine. Her hair was longer than mine. She was skinnier than me. The constant comparison to the other girls in my class all stemmed from my crush on a boy who probably could not properly perform long division. However, this crush changed how I wanted to perceived in the eyes of this one boy. I no longer wanted to be seen as just “Sydney”, as silly as it seems I wanted to be someone else who could draw the attention of any boy with just a glance.
College was a shell shocker on how important the male gaze is. I came from the sheltered environment of an all-girl high school. My safe haven of half-done hair and ugly yet comfortable wallabees had disappeared once I was on the campus of my historically black university. My truest insecurities were relinquished once I arrive on campus. I know what you are thinking “oh Sydney, you are surrounded by so many different black people, how could you have any insecurities?” Actually, it was quite easy. I noticed the men on campus did not see me as anything other than a friend. This was not going to work if I was going to have my Dwayne and Whitley HBCU love story. My need for male approval wanted me to change how I dressed, how I presented myself and especially how I wore my hair. But if I changed these things, then I would not be myself. I would be sheer image of what I thought men wanted in a significant other.
But why? Why was the opinion of men ever a determining factor? With about 12 more years of experience, I have decided that their opinions are completely irrelevant. How would a man know what looks best on a woman? I would tell my eight-year-old self so many things that I have learned. But one thing I consistently tell her is to be herself. I know what you are thinking, that is the corniest line known to man but it’s true. I have only just recently begun to be my authentic self without any male influence. The earlier I would have understood this concept the more comfortable I would have been with myself.