For me dating has truly been a life changing experience, it has taught me what I do and don’t like. It has shown me what attributes to look for in my significant other and what mindset to have when looking for a potential partner. When it comes to understanding the male perspective- I still struggle with understanding their thought process.
I decided to confide in someone I consider to be an expert, my older brother. With us being seven years apart there are a few tips and tricks he has bestowed upon me when it comes to dating. Here is my conversation with my older brother Jerrell Olds about advice when it comes to dating and tips to give to your younger sister as an older brother.
CWS: As an older brother were you nervous for your little sister to start dating , if so why ?
JO: Yes, I was a little nervous about dating because I have been through relationships. I know the amount of time, energy and feelings that go into a relationship. The hurt and the mindset that some of these guys have are terrible, and I was and still am afraid of men taking advantage of emotions.
CWS: Why are brothers so overprotective when it comes to their sisters dating ?
JO: We are overprotective because we know how guys treat women and we don’t want that to happen to our little sisters. I want nothing but the best for her and her relationships – if they end up hurt it affects us as well.
CWS: What is one piece of advice you can give as an older brother, when talking to your sister about dating ?
JO: One piece of advice that I could give is to “ stay calm when it comes to explaining certain viewpoints to her and give her the best advice you possibly can. Keep her up-to date with tips and tricks that guys typically lean towards and ensure she is aware of the major red flags to look out for.”
CWS: As an older brother, why is it important that you inform your sister about a male’s perspective on certain situations?
JO: It is important because there’s a lot that comes with being in a relationship and now that she is in the young adult age range her outlook on dating should be completely different. We want our little sisters to be ready for whatever is thrown at them but we also want them to experience a real connection with somebody. Love can be a tricky concept to grasp but with God and patience it can also turn out to be a great experience.
CWS: What lessons have you learned about dating over the years ?
JO: I’ve learned the importance of effective communication and being honest with my partner. When dating it is important to be open with your partner about things that may bother you or in general to create a stronger and more significant bond with one another. I’ve noticed that when the line of communication is open we are able to trust in one another and deviate from any misunderstandings.
CWS: Do you believe it is important for the family to like the person you are dating ?
JO: When it comes to family, personally you want to date someone who can be comfortable being themselves when around them. I do not believe in family dictating your relationships. Yet, when it comes to transitioning into serious or long-term relationships; it is important for your family to build some type of relationship with this person. Especially, if starting a family or marriage is an option for you and your partner.
CWS: What are some of your dating do’s and don’ts ?
JO: When dating be aware of your own personal hygiene and self care. Guys admire women who take care of themselves both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Another tip is to be honest when something we say or do makes you upset or uncomfortable. As men we are not good when it comes to reading non verbal cues from women. If we did something that you didn’t like or made you upset, just talk to us and let us know what we can do better in the future. If we care about your feelings we will correct the issue the first time.
CWS: Why is confidence in a woman an important part of dating ?
JO: If I am being honest, confidence is extremely attractive to us. It’s important for a woman to think extremely high of themselves. When a woman walks into a room with her head held high, it shows us as males that she means business. Personally, men love a woman who can be independent and create her own success. When dating a woman with confidence, she knows her worth and value to the relationship and that eliminates any insecurities or hesitation within the relationship from creeping in.
After talking to my brother I realized that men do have their own standards and expectations when it comes to dating, As a younger sibling of three older brothers it is refreshing to see their relationships grow before my eyes. As I navigate through my 20s and dating I will be able to take the advice from my brother and apply it to my future relationships.
I guess, being the youngest of three older brothers isn’t so bad! I do have my own personal bodyguards in case of emergencies ! :)