Being a 20-year-old college student and never having an actual boyfriend probably does not seem “that deep” to most people, but I am here to voice the feelings of all the overlooked, lonely ladies and gents in the house tonight.
We live in a world where it feels like everybody’s getting chose. All over Instagram, Twitter, and even Pinterest, I see couples confessing their love for one another and what feels like every other girl being noticed and deemed as “good enough to give some effort to.”
In middle school during everyone’s ugly phase, I had a couple of interested guys but nothing too serious. During my 8th grade year, I ended up getting my one and only boyfriend (to date), and this was the same guy who after being my first kiss told my friends it never happened (I am foolish y’all I know).
During my senior year of high school, I decided to muscle up the courage to tell my one and only close guy friend that I was feeling him, and his response was, “you deserve better.” I know that sounds like a good thing, but the reality was I did not want better, I wanted him and I always felt like that was a nice way of saying “I’m not interested, stay blessed.”
Eventually, my middle school boyfriend found his way back into my life and came in and out from the ending of my senior year of high school up until this past Thanksgiving. Although we had some good moments, most of our interactions consisted of me trying to prove I was enough, and after him telling me he enjoyed being single popping up with a girlfriend and GIVING HER EFFORT all over Twitter.
Not until recently did I realize how much the lack of male attention I received, played a role in my confidence. “Why aren’t men interested in me?” is a question I began to ask everybody. “They are but they are just too scared to say anything,” and “they know you are too good for them,” were responses I often received.
Somehow I was being penalized for being ”too good,” and I was supposed to be content with not being considered desirable or “dateable”.
Not ever having a man who thought I was good enough to simply take out on a date, had me doing all kinds of reflections. I started to feel like my personality sucked, I was too fat, and not pretty enough. I just started to feel like if I was truly “good enough” or “too good” then a guy would be interested by now.
Aside from my confidence, I tended to belittle my personality to keep the only guy who I believed “noticed” me happy. I would brush off things he did to hurt my feelings because deep down I did not think another guy would ever come around, so I had to hold on to this one for as long as possible.
I realize that a man “should not have to validate me,” but in reality not being desired will start to way down on anybody’s confidence. It’s a frustrating dilemma of knowing you are good enough, but nobody wants to pay you any attention, and you cannot do anything about it or get upset.
Of course, to this day I still feel some type of way about not ever really being “noticed” or given the time of day, but I have to dig deep and remind myself that I am enough and eventually my knight in shining armor will come. I just want the world to be more understanding and give people the space to be angry about being overlooked and treated like they are not worth putting effort into.