When we were younger, we imagined our first kiss experiences; as we get older, the fairytale kisses turn into more compromisingly intimate interactions. Your younger self, who fantasized and wondered about how sex actually was, may not have realized that kissing may not have been considered a strategy in this ball game. Many believe kissing and sex typically work together in the greater scheme but has kissing ever been left out? If you’re wondering- it is more normal than you think.
Not kissing during sex is surprisingly typical and common.
A lot of people say kissing during sex is too intimate.
Some people think kissing is more intimate than actual sex itself, specifically in hook-up culture; having sex can be very performance-based instead of pleasure-based. In performance-based sex, penetration is the central act (mainly penetration via penis but also including dildo or fingers), and the sex needs to end with ejaculation (more likely the male ejaculation, which leaves most women unsatisfied). Performance-based sex limits clear communication in bed, can make the sexual encounter feel like you’re following a routine, and make you anxious about whether there is a finality to the sex (ejaculation) and whether you satisfy your partner. When we are having a lot of performance-based sex, sex can almost be a perfunctory act and not create any connection at all. Sex is not necessary to achieve intimacy, with kissing you need to integrate and co-ordinate, match their tempo, and you are quite literally all in their face taking on their breath, smell, taste, etc. This can make kissing seem more intimate than sex.
Kissing during casual sex.
Guys can have sex with a woman and never kiss her. As we bump parts together in sex, you put a condom on your penis and proceed, but when we kiss, you are exposed. It is a vulnerable and intimate thing that many people don’t want to share with just anyone. For some, sex can occur in an impersonal and passionless manner. If you’re going to orgasm, you do not need to kiss. To others, kissing can mean that they are really into you and make them feel closer to some and sex can easily just be a relase for them.
People don’t like the act of kissing.
Swapping saliva can be too intense and tumultuous to some. Some people find it gross or weird and don’t like it in this nature. Others see it as revolting because of the millions of bacteria transferred while kissing. It can be an awkward situation for those who don’t like kissing.