Self sabotaging is basically when one part of your personality conflicts with another. It doesn’t have to be on purpose, you could actually be doing it without knowing and realize it once it’s too late. November is dedicated to ending self sabotage and not being the person who gets in the way of our own happiness. It’s about to get personal.
If you are anything like me then you are a professional at self-sabotaging, especially when it comes to relationships. Everything could be going perfectly, but I will literally find a way to make things go left or at least get awkward enough to change the dynamic of the relationship all together. Why do I do this? Maybe the fear of actually getting into a relationship? He’s too perfect, something has to be wrong, right? My own insecurities or maybe it’s me not loving myself enough to let me be happy. Or maybe it’s the potential I see in guys who are clearly not good for me and ignoring the ones who are. Did I just read myself ? Wow. I think the biggest thing is dragging past trauma into something new, but we’ll get into that later.
So, I’ve never really been in a REAL relationship and as much as I would love to blame it on the boys, I am partially responsible for that too. A couple weeks into getting to know someone I can’t just blindly keep going without knowing your intentions, so I’ll ask. Is that wrong?
Now, doing this too early can come off as you wanting something serious and boys hate talking about commitment too early. Half the time I don’t want commitment at the moment, I just really want to know what it is you’re searching for in me. After talking to my friends, they’ll always tell me about how I need to go with the flow, but I can’t. In the past I have been randomly left with no sign so many times that I literally can’t go with the flow for a long period of time. That’s definitely something I’m working on.
What if it’s the total opposite and he’s perfect? That’s scary to me too, because what are you hiding. I am huge on communication and if there a shift in energy, most times I’ll take that as a sign to just fall back. I’m crazy, I know, but can you blame me? My logic is to save myself from being hurt before someone else has the opportunity to.
The one time I let myself go with the flow, it ended in him just dropping off the face of the earth, so why put myself through that again? Let me know what you want from the jump and we can move on from there. Sounds like a good plan to me!
The reality of it is, everything isn’t going to be perfect from the beginning and sometimes people have bad days or weeks. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want to talk to you anymore, it might just mean they need their space. Stop being afraid of letting yourself fall. It’s inevitable for one thing. Whether you take all the steps to protect yourself and put your guard up, one day someone will find a way to break down those bricks and find their way into your life.
Get out of your own head, and yes, I’m talking to myself too. Overthinking is the killer of all things good. Although it’s easier said than done, we have to stop letting our negative thoughts get to us. One negative thought tends to be more powerful than the positive ones. Shake it off and until you have actual proof don’t make up scenarios in your head. One last thing, women love to see the potential in men and end up putting ourselves in situations because of what COULD be. Listen sis, this is not build-a-boyfriend and we can not MAKE a man into something we want. See the signs and if that’s not something you’re liking let it go. Let the man you’re leaving on read take you out.
So here’s to no self sabotaging, we got this!