As Valentine’s Day approaches, let’s talk about the frustrating subject of “friends with benefits”. This article is strictly my opinion and I only speak from experience. With that being said, I am fully against “friends with benefits” and fully plan to explain why I would stay far away from anything resembling a friend with benefits relationship.
What is a friends with benefits relationship? A friend with benefits relationship is a relationship that can provide both parties with physical benefits without the emotional baggage. In simpler terms, relationship benefits without the title.
Now let’s discuss my issues with “friends with benefits”. The term “friend” is very loosely used in this description. A friend is someone who I should always be able to trust and lean on for support. Therefore, this term “friends with benefits” confuses the two people because now I feel as if I am overstepping my boundaries when I am going to my once before friend about issues I was previously able to discuss with them.
I absolutely do not believe there are no feelings between people who consider themselves “friends with benefits”. The platonic line immediately disappears after the relationship advances. With my own experience with these confusing relationships, I have felt a lack of emotional substance that I would receive from an actual relationship. No matter how I looked at the situation, I felt used. Therefore, always regretting my actions. As I have grown through relationships, I have learned I crave emotional connections. Once I was in an actual relationship or even in mutual liking with a person, not only were my physical expectations met but more importantly my emotional expectations were as well.
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, expectations are confusing with a friend with benefits relationship. I would not expect a gift from my friends with benefits relationship. However, I would still feel some type of way when I did not receive anything on the day that literally glamorizes any type of love. As a person who is fully self-aware of her feelings, I would rather spend Valentine’s Day alone than pondering why the person I am essentially sharing apart of myself with did not buy me anything.
There are so many blurred lines with friends with benefits that often feelings get hurt and eventually the couple calls it quits because one person expects more, and the other person just wants to keep it casual. The unspoken downfall of friends with benefits can be very brutal because you will the mourn the loss of that person. However, you are stuck mourning the loss of someone you were never in a relationship with.
In any instance with love and feelings, I instantly recommend knowing who you are and what you can accept. As I have navigated in and out of relationships/situationships, I have learned I do not have emotional capacity to only be friends with benefits with someone. There will always be this annoying feeling of why this relationship cannot go any further.