College Women Talking Sex

Love, Lust and The Red Light

Navigating love (and lust) during my two and a half years of college has been a journey that can only be accurately described with one word: unusual. My freshman year, I unfortunately experienced my first dreaded "situationship." For my millennials out of touch with the creative phrases of Gen Z, a situationship most simply put is when two people engage in relationship activities all while failing to commit, admit the existence of intimate feelings, or define the relationship.

In my situation, I ended up being very deep in-like --yes, like, not love--with somebody who only saw me as a beneficial friend. And, you guessed it, he did not disclose such information with me, for fear of losing me. Said "situationship," left me feeling dumbfounded, disrespected, and ultimately confused. After you've been deceived on such levels, it is hard to differentiate and process what was authentic and what was not.

During my first year of college, I found myself tolerating behaviors from men that I would’ve never dealt with in my highschool early dating stages. I had to take a step back and ask myself, what happened, Chey?

Why at ages 18, 19, and 20 am I dealing with the same lack of communication, failure to commit, and high focus on the physical that I avoided like the plague at ages 16 and 17?

What changed?

After months of reflection, I realized it was the standard that had changed. In short, what I allowed, continued. Also, these things can be attributed to the normalization of casual sex in college. However, that is something that is beyond me, you, and this article, that I wouldn’t attempt to tackle even after downing the strongest cup of coffee there is to offer.

Anyway. 

Love is hard to find in our collegiate years because lust is lurking behind every dark party that is lit with the ambiance of the red light.

Ah yes, the red light.

The red light that says, “It’s dark enough to conceal the sins to come, but light enough to inform you that I know exactly who you are and I have not an ounce of shame in my game.”

Love is hard to find because the lust that lives in the red light might survive a private, two person afterparty; but the lust that lives in the red light rarely survives to see the sun rise.  Physical attraction is so dominant in college that you barely get the opportunity to have the imperative dialogue that is necessary to even determine if you’re actually capable of emotionally connecting with said red light lover.

I’ve said all this to say, if you’re wondering why it seems like there’s not much beyond the sex with your current relationship or situation, that’s because rarely, there is. Take away the physical, raise the standard, and see what eligible bachelor or bachelorette remains standing.

Since this is a safe space, I'll be honest here. In my case, there was nobody.

I had to be okay with being alone rather than feeling spiritually unfulfilled by a man who I’m not going to see until 3 AM, only after the consumption of a plethora of Patron shots.

We all deserve a love that sees the sunlight. I’m confident it’s coming.