Almost three months ago I entered my first real-life relationship (yes y’all, the lord pulled your girl out of the singles’ club and blessed her with a king). While this new relationship has been full of love and numerous moments of vulnerability, it has been a true learning experience.
I am one semester away from being finished with my undergraduate career, but this relationship has taught me more about myself and life in less than six months.
My boyfriend continues to assist me with learning more about who I am, and helping me come to realize that I am nowhere near as mature as I originally thought I was (I am a bit childish to say the least). Aside from all of that, my two major takeaways thus far from the “School of Love” are:
First and foremost:
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There is nothing practical about love.
When I say love is not practical I mean there is no blueprint or correct way to facilitate it or experience it. It is a system of trial and error, a matter of falling and hoping that the parachute on your back opens up before you hit the ground (a beautiful but frightening thing to experience).
No human being has ever truly been taught to love, just observed the various ways in which other humans love. Deciding if this should be the standard or the type of love they should stay clear of.
I have learned that romantic relationships are really a matter of you deciding if this feels right or if you are good love, enjoy. A lot of times I feel like Goldilocks trying to figure out if this is porridge for me or if this bed meets what I need to sleep peacefully.
Secondly:
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The voice of negativity gets very loud when your happiness is at an all time high.
As an expert of overthinking and expecting the worst to soften the blow of when things really hit the fan, trying to quiet Nancy the negativity monster, has been a CHALLENGE.
During the first month of my relationship I found myself stuck between wanting to say “forget the parachute and go for it” and “girl, don’t be a fool!” As much as I hate to admit it, a lot of being in love has been filled with “forget the parachute and go for it.”
While I have gotten a lot better with quieting Nancy, the amount of people around me who started to become Nancies themselves is a bit insane.
Y’all I swear everybody suddenly becomes relationship experts when you get into a relationship. I had friends asking me “you don’t think it’s too soon” every time I saw them, and when I asked what is a reasonable time to fall in love they never had an answer.
I had family members telling me what’s acceptable in the beginning of a relationship, phrases that basically translate to “girl, this is not going to last,” and just criticizing every decision I made.
As a person who has NEVER been in a relationship all this outside noise was so overwhelming! Not only am I newby to this whole being in love thing, but I have tons of people trying to dictate every move I make.
Continuously asking myself how this relationship makes me feel and if I enjoy the pace this relationship is going really helped with figuring out what is best for me and not what other people think is best for me.
Having a man who is so patient and understands that this is all new to me has also been a major help with making this relationship smooth sailing for the most part.
Needless to say, falling in love can be and usually is scary. You will learn to quiet outside noise and figure out what you like and don’t like along the way.
I look forward to learning more while in love and creating more memories with my honey.