Keeping Your Options Open: Cuffing Season Edition

Ladies, there is one mistake a lot of us make when we start talking to someone new. We immediately think to ourselves, “I like this person so I need to focus on this one person and this one person only” or something along those lines. No, no, no, no, and no! This is the WRONG way to go about the “talking stage.” Thinking like that has put many of us in situations that ended in heartbreak or severely hurt feelings. There is no reason why you should just focus on one person after you guys click. Who said they were solely focused on you? There’s a 70% chance that they’re not, and that’s ok. Us being the beautiful queens we are, there is no reason why we should allow a little “talking stage” to get us upset. I’m here to tell you how to keep your options open, the smart and safe way. This will prevent you from getting hurt early on. 

    First, make it clear that you’re single but not desperate. Make it clear on your social media and when you step out in person. You may be single and looking for Mr.Right, but you are not about to settle for the first head that turns toward you. When you pop out with your friends, always make sure you look extra good. Never let them see you in anything other than what you feel your best in. Make some eye contact here and there with some potential bachelors but make it quick. Do not stare for a long time. That tells them that you’re overly interested which will boost their ego too much. Then they start to get cocky. If you notice they’ve been staring for a while, just give a few glances, but nothing too extra. That will let them know you’re interested but that you’re not going to beg them to come up to you. 

    Secondly, don’t always give out your number first. Start with something smaller like your Snapchat or Instagram. That way if they want to talk, keep up with you, or just see more of your face again, they can but it’s less personal. Giving out your number can be complicated. You may end up giving it to the wrong dude, and he turns out to be one of those clingy guys who loves to constantly talk on the phone. That can be super uncomfortable with someone you just met.

    Third, do not beat yourself up or allow someone to try to tear you down for giving your social media and/or information out to multiple guys. If you opted to give your social media, they could have found your profile on their own anyway. Like I said, it’s a little less personal than giving out your number. You have the right to do whatever you want with your information and you control how often you hand it out. It’s your phone number/social media so you can handle it however you please. You (or your parents) do not pay that expensive phone bill for you to only text one guy. That’s ridiculous. Just try to keep up with who is who, and where you met. When texting your potential boos, see how often each one texts back, who’s trying to link up the most, who calls the most, which one is really trying to get to know you, and which ones are only around to try and get some sex. You’ve got to separate the ones that are there for a good time but not a long time, from the ones who are actually interested in you. Trust me, once you do this you’ll know who to invest your time in. 

    Fourth, go on dates with ALL of them. Specifically, go on different dates with each of them! Have one take you out to eat, have one take you to the apple orchard, go to the movies with one, have another one take you to a haunted house, go to the mall with another, etc. Study their body language and energy while they’re out with you. Study how they dress. Study their body to see how well they keep up with their hygiene and all of that. See what type of conversation they choose to engage in. See if they open doors for you. See what type of music they play in the car. Study everything about them so you know who you’re going to cancel out in the long run. 

    Finally, ladies you must understand that you are not obligated to give people all of your loyalty the second you meet them. Some of us may feel differently about that because we value loyalty in everything we do, which is completely fine. However, just because you see your homegirl doing something does not mean you have to do it too. You do what you need to do to make yourself comfortable. To me, I just feel like playing it safe by keeping your options open is the best way to do it until you find the one. Until then, trust the process. Sometimes you have to play the game the way others are playing in order to stay in the game. It’s usually a fun game as long as you don’t mix up anyone’s names!