So here we are. Regardless of how it happened, your relationship has come to an end in the midst of a pandemic, forcing you to begin a journey of personal healing and recovery in a world that feels like it’s falling apart. Trying to pick up the pieces may seem like a daunting task at the moment, but time is the ultimate healer. While we wait for Miss Time to do her thing, here are some tips and tricks that you can implement into your life that will help make the days a little bit easier.
- Lean on Friends and Family
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If you’re anything like me, you may often find yourself internalizing almost everything. Although you may feel like doing otherwise will impose your burden onto others (therefore inconveniencing them), allowing yourself to suffer in silence is only doing yourself and your friends and family a disservice. Why suffer in silence when there are people in your life whose purpose is to love and be there for you in times of good and bad? Open up and allow them to fulfill their purpose just as you wouldn’t hesitate to fulfill yours in their time of need.
- Keep Busy
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Now don’t make the mistake of reading this and giving yourself permission to distract yourself with tasks in an attempt to suppress your emotions. It most likely won’t work and will instead cause you to explode at some point or another. Instead, set a goal or goals for yourself at the beginning of each day so that you can stay productive and be proud of yourself for accomplishing something at the end of it.
Although there’s nothing wrong with laying around for a couple days (or weeks) in an unrecognizable state with a tub of ice cream glued to your hands, there needs to come a time when you choose to get back up.
Even if your goal means getting out of bed at a reasonable hour and putting on something other than pajamas, it’ll be an incredible step in the right direction. During the healing process, the “little” wins mean everything.
When you do decide to get back up, don’t forget to take time out of your day to check in with yourself and acknowledge how you’re feeling. I also recommend journaling and writing those check-ins down so that you have a way of documenting and capturing your progress. Doing so may help you recognize patterns in your behavior and give you strategies on coping with difficult situations in the future. We love self-reflection.
- Talk to a Therapist
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If you have the means to do so, I highly recommend seeking help from a therapist. Thankfully, more people are becoming aware that the stigma associated with therapy is the furthest thing from the truth. The only thing you can do that qualifies you as “crazy” is recognizing you need help, having the means to get it, yet refusing to do so for prideful reasons.
Regardless of how close we are to our friends and family, we may consciously or subconsciously filter what we say, not wanting the other person to know exactly how bad things are. I know I’m guilty of sugarcoating situations out of fear that my raw and uncut emotions may put a damper on the mood. You may find yourself taking my advice by leaning on others, but not wanting to shift all of your weight.
Therapists are ready and able to take on that extra weight. Although they can’t fix your problems for you, they are able to give you the tools to fix them with the hope that you’re willing to put in the work to help yourself.
Therapy also provides a safe space to shed all facades and be as vulnerable as you’ve ever been without the fear of judgment. It also guarantees an unbiased opinion, contrary to those that may be given by friends and family. I truly believe that therapy will bring clarity to those that make the choice to set their pride aside and ask for help.
- Be Kind to Yourself
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We’re often our own harshest critics, but now is NOT the time to be hard on yourself. Getting things done might take a little more time for a while, and that’s okay. You may find that you’re lacking motivation or making simple mistakes and it’s easy to get frustrated and silently cuss yourself out. Please stop.
Recognize that you may not be at your best and adjust your expectations to more reasonable and realistic ones. Try to speak positive affirmations into yourself and be proud of even having the courage to face each day as it comes.
Remind yourself that you are enough and are worthy of receiving all the good that life has to offer. How you’re feeling won’t last forever, but what you learn from having to bounce back, will. You got this!