When did quarantine start again? I lost count of the days. But I do know before it started, I had a stable relationship. I went from seeing my boyfriend every day, spending every night with him, and waking up in the morning in his arms, to not seeing him for five months. Soon I was acting like I had never met the man before in my life.
Was it Covid’s fault for keeping me and my man apart for months on end, or did quarantine show me that the relationship wasn’t meant to be from the jump? Long-distance was never my cup of tea, but being stuck in my parent’s home, locked down with the fear of getting sick with a deadly virus, made me feen for a source of nirvana. That nirvana became the attention I received from a man who I really only knew for three months.
We facetimed every night, texted throughout the day, and for a while, I was content with the way things were. I was depressed and missed the life on campus that I felt like was stolen from me because of this stupid virus, but at least I had a guy to shower me with attention, right? Living life through small digital interactions with someone I wasn’t guaranteed to see in person made me happy. Until it didn’t.
Quarantine stole many of our “states of happiness” away. Our mental states were affected (and are still being affected) by harsh seasons of loneliness. Maintaining a healthy relationship with a guy that I used as my sole source of happiness wasn’t the best thing for me… or for anyone, for that matter. The whole “I’ll wait for however long it takes” thing isn’t for everybody, and when 2 months turned into 4, and 4 months turned into a permanent “I don’t know,” I knew it wasn’t for me.
Did quarantine ruin your relationship or did it test you and your partner to see if you were not only physically compatible, but also emotionally and mentally compatible as well? Did it push your mental stability and maturity to the extent that you stopped using your significant other as the sole source of your happiness? When you subconsciously realized that your relationship was becoming a chore, did your boo fall off?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, then your relationship was doomed from the start and quarantine didn’t ruin anything. Don’t blame yourself either, love, because it absolutely wasn’t your fault. Quarantine helped you realize that either that person isn’t the right one for you and/or it’s time to find your own source of joy. Be stable on your own, so if tragedy strikes again, you can be happy in the nirvana you’ve built from within.
After my breakup, I fell in love with myself again. I learned how to do makeup, started focusing on my health, started cooking, reading, exercising, and painting. I found peace in knowing that I created love within my own universe that nobody could take away from me. Now, if, and when I decide I’m ready to put myself back in a relationship, I know it’ll last, and be built on the right things. I know that when tragedy strikes again, it will be strong enough to withstand anything.