Before my third year at Hampton University, I contemplated taking a gap year. I was feeling burnout and boredom. I was drained, carrying the emotional weight of logging on to awkward Blackboard Collaborate sessions. The teachers seemed to overcompensate work, and they did not consider the impact that a transition mid-semester to online classes during a global pandemic would have on the students. Shout out to the girlies who thought COVID-19 was just going to be an extended spring break, myself included. Because God blessed me financially through the HU CARES Act, I did not have to work that summer. Instead, I spent the break dreaming, recharging, and growing. I picked up photography, led writing workshops, and enjoyed my family.
School began to lurk around the corner, and I did not have any concrete plans. My mom and brother actually encouraged me to take a gap year because of the crisis. They figured that I’d miss my whole junior year, so they wanted me to take a break with hopes of my returning to campus the following year. With my family on my side, I saw nothing wrong with taking a break! The idea became more convincing and feasible; I was offered a tutoring job that was willing to pay me $15/hr. This would allow me to work during the school year and save up for my first car. A car and no school sounded nothing shy of heaven sent. I began to pray that God would make the decision and not me. I feared that I would be off track of my life’s purpose if I made the wrong move. As the weeks passed by, my mom began to pressure me to make a choice because she needed to fill out my school paperwork by the deadline if I decided to enroll again. I recall being so stressed and pressured about picking a side that I snapped at my mom, which is out of my character. Yes, I apologized.
Days later I sat on the couch scrolling my life away when I heard the voice of God speak to me. He said, “Go to school. I will make a way for you.” It was not one of those Christian moments where you ask yourself, “Was that me, or was that God?” I knew it was Him. He was loud and clear. I must admit that I was a little discouraged upon comprehending that instruction. One of the reasons I had struggled with anxiety, depression, and trauma during school was attributed to my perfectionism. School was a place that shrunk me and took away my confidence. It made me think that I was only valuable when I performed well. For this reason, I pondered about passing up a car, a great job, and an on-campus lifestyle. Although I grieved and feared where school would lead me that semester, I knew obeying God would ALWAYS be the right thing to do. I could not deny his voice, and I followed Him.
What would have happened if I would have disobeyed God? I may have gotten the car through some other job. Funny enough, the tutoring job never followed up with me, and I believe that God closed that door because He knew my temporary satisfaction would have led me astray. I may not have gone through a breakup, but God called him out of my life in that capacity. You may get everything you WANT by going against God’s will, but you will not reach the purpose He has for you if you do not follow Him. So, what did I receive from following God’s command and enduring the storms it presented? All A’s, Christian community, new friends, healing for anxiety and depression, joy, and most importantly DELIGHT MINISTRIES AT HAMPTONU. If that’s not making a way, I don’t know what is.
Love,
Your Almost Not Team Director
Prayer:
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Lord, thank you for having a plan for my life that is better than anything that I could have created or imagined. I praise you when the wrong door is closed because you will open up the right one for me. I know that the storms in my life do not negate the calling that you have chosen me for. I commit my plans to you and I acknowledge you in all of the decisions that I make. Thank you for the fruit that will be produced in my life as a result of abiding in you. I accept that my desires may not always align with your provision, but you call me to deny myself. Soften my heart so that I can follow you even when I am unable to project the outcome. In Jesus’ name, Amen.