In 2019, it seems that our generation’s love is so temporary. People are either afraid to commit or don’t want to settle down, and too often people end up wasting their time in relationships that don’t sustain. Many people go to Twitter to emphasize their views on temporary relationships, saying that they were “dating to marry.”
Although not everyone, some people may close their minds to dating people because a person doesn’t fit the perception of someone they want to marry. To go with the HisCampus theme, I got a college guy’s perspective on the topic. Adrian Johnson and I discussed how we feel about dating to marry vs dating for the experience.
How do you define dating?
Adrian: Dating is having an interest in someone and putting in the effort to get to know them on more than a friendship level. It’s talking to the person, seeing the person, getting a better idea of who they are and seeing if what they do fits in your life rather than making your life around them.
Kennedi: Dating is that phase where you both know that you’re interested in each other but you’re trying to feel each other out. You spend time together, doesn’t have to necessarily be always out in public, but really just getting to know each other and learning who they are as a person.
Are you dating to marry or dating for the experience?
Adrian: I’m dating for both- I go into it for the experience the majority of the time but also am hoping to find my soulmate or as close to it as possible. If it doesn’t work out I usually learn more about myself.
Kennedi: I think I’m dating for experience. I’ve never been in a serious relationship so when I date it’s to learn about what I do and don’t want in my future partner. Of course it would be great if I find the person I want to marry; but that’s not my primary goal when I start dating someone, at least not at this point in time.
Would you date someone you don’t see a long-term future with?
Adrian: I wouldn’t date someone I don’t see myself having a future with in some sense. But I don’t go into it thinking that though, I just let life happen.
Kennedi: I would because a lot of times you never know what someone is going to be to you or what role they will play in your life. I can’t predict the future. Some of the guys I’ve started talking to or were dating I never even imagined myself being with, short-term or long-term..
Do you understand why people only date to marry?
Adrian: I understand wanting someone to give you a sense of reliability and having set criteria for what you want in your relationship – whoever you marry you’re hoping it’s someone you’re safe, comfortable, and happy with. You hope to find your person. But I also feel like people who date only to marry can miss out on experiences or miss out on heartbreak… imagine your first experience of heartbreak being a divorce.
Kennedi: I agree, I get why people don’t want to waste their time but you also can’t be close-minded. You’ll miss out on a lot of experiences only dating people who know that they want to marry you or shutting down people who don’t know what they want yet.
Would you stop dating somebody if you realized you didn’t want a future with them (i.e finding a quality or characteristic you wouldn’t want the person you marry to have)?
Adrian: If I’m in a relationship I would try to work past it and bring it up with them. You should be comfortable enough to talk about the issue.
Kennedi: I wouldn’t just flat out drop them but if it was something I didn’t think I could get over I’d probably just fade out or let them know things weren’t going to work.