One of the biggest things people look forward to when coming to college is making new friends. Those friends can end up being the most important people in your life. Your college roommate becomes your maid of honor, that girl from your chemistry class ends up being your sister in law, and you still keep in touch with the girls in Her Campus. But as we all know, maintaining strong friendships can get messy. Jealousy, cattiness, miscommunication, and rivalry can crop up. And soon, we’re side-eyeing girls we used to share clothes with. But there is a special bond to be had between women – black women especially because we experienced racism and sexism simultaneously. Nobody knows that struggle like another black woman. So we cannot let anything prevent us from being unified.
To tackle this issue, I interviewed roommates and best friends, Tiana and Kayla. We talked about what makes their friendship special, black female unity, and how to maintain a solid bond like theirs.
(Left: Tiana, Right: Kayla)
How did you meet?
Kayla: We met in pre-college. We were roommates.
What was your first impression of each other?
Kayla: I didn’t like her. She came in hot and aggressive.
Tiana: I thought she was a crybaby because she’s was crying in her mom’s arms! But she’s from Colorado and I’m from Richmond, so she wasn’t going to see her mom for a while.
Kayla: My mom was about to drop me off and leave me! I was so scared. You want a nice roommate who says ‘it’s gonna be okay,’ and she was like ‘uh uh, she’s crying,’ so I was like oh my god. But after our parents left it was okay.
T: We did everything together from that point on. We went to meetings, all the events…
K: Yeah, and after our parents left we went and explored. She wore my white jacket.
T: And then we were inseparable!
What makes your bond special?
T: I feel like we instantly connected. Once my parents and her mom left, and we explored, it just happened.
K: We’ve never had to force our friendship.
What’s your best friend’s favorite song?
T: *singing* I did you wrooong! You did me wroooong! I take you baaaaack-
K: What’s that song you always sing? You sing it literally everyday! But you always say the same verse everytime – never the full length of the song. Its something with love in it. But we have very different music styles.
T: Yeah we do. I listen to Lil Baby, Da Baby, NBA Youngboy…
K: I listen to Chance the Rapper, Beyonce. I like early 2000’s music.
Who takes the longest to get ready in the morning?
T: Kayla!
K: Me!
What is your best friend’s most repeated sentence or phrase?
T: ‘Keep that same energy!’
K: ‘Kay-lahhh’
T: That’s not a phrase!
K: She says my name like that all the time.
What is your favorite thing about your best friend?
T: There are alot of things but I guess it would be that we can talk about anything and nothing can ruin our friendship. She’s taught me alot about myself because I’ve always been around people who were just like me and we’re complete opposites. So I like that.
K: The fact that we can do pretty much everything together but not get annoyed with each other. We can be roommates but also go out.
How does this friendship add to your life?
K: It just keeps it interesting. If I need to talk about something, Tiana will be there to listen.
T: I’ll be there. Even when we’re not at school.
K: Yeah, we facetime quite often when we’re not at school. We’ll need a break from each other but as soon as we have one, we’ll call each other every single day. Or a couple times a day.
What do you think is special about having a black, female best friend?
K: I grew up in a white neighborhood so all my best friends have been majority white. I never had a black best friend that I did everything with. So for me, it’s a different experience. It’s nice to have a friend who can relate to the things that I go through and struggle with. Like we can do each other’s hair and things like that.
T: I think she summed it up.
What do you think black women have trouble with in the friendship department?
T: Well, Kayla is the type of person to express her feelings. When something’s wrong she talks about it. But I’m the kind of person who will just ignore it or just start moving differently. So I feel like a lot of women are like that too. As black women, we tend to suppress our feelings, ignore it, or don’t talk about it. Some friendships die because we don’t talk about the issues. Speaking up is so important.
K: I think black women – not all but a lot, feel like they have to be super strong and independent. I feel like we kind of-
T: Balance each other out.
K: Yeah. I make her talk about her issues and when I’m going through something she’s like, ‘I know something’s wrong!’
A black woman is powerful. But united black women are unstoppable.
A special thanks to Kyra for taking the beautiful photos.
Keep up with Kayla and Tiana on Instagram:
@tianasjournal
@ohh__kayy