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In this era of casual sex and hookup culture often times one can feel pressure or ridicule for not wanting to knock the boots or for simply just wanting to wait for a deeper connection before they start bumpin and grindin.

Since middle school I always thought I was going to find the man of my dreams in high school, we would be each other’s first kiss, and we would lose our virginity together. Needless to say that’s not even close to the way my love life went. I am a junior in college, I have never had a boyfriend and I have never even came close to having sex. 

Despite how glorified casual sex has become, the older I get the more I want to wait until I find a man who is actually worth having sex with. As awesome as it seems to just be able to have sex without any strings attached and to not have any feelings attached to it, I know for fact that I do not have the emotinal capacity to partake in these activties.

I am currently in a space where I am not sure if I want to wait until marriage to have sex or if I just want to wait until I meet a guy I actually want to have sex with. One thing I am completely sure of is that I do not and I cannot have sex with a guy I am not madly in love with.

With sex being so casual I have learned that I have to be upfront and very clear about what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do. As disheartening as it can be to tell a guy “I’m not having sex anytime soon” and for him to ghost you with a quickness, being transparent will help you discard of the men who do not align with what you truly desire.

Often times I hear women expressing feelings of regret for having sex with a man they really did not want to have sex with just because they felt obligated or pressured to do so. I refuse to have sex simply to just please a man and I know in my heart it is not something I really want to do. No one knows you like you know yourself and since you are aware of the things that you want and do not want it is your responsibility to communicate them with whomever you are interacting with. 

Being transparent about your sexual beliefs can save you from a lot of unnecessary situations and it can save you from a lot of disappointment. Not being ready to have sex or simply not being interested in having it with just anybody is okay, and your reasons for your beliefs do not have to be explained to anyone.

At the end of the day sex is an experience that all parties involved should enjoy and should be completely ready to partake in. Whatever you decide is your decision that nobody else but yourself has to approve of. Just being transparent and honest about your current sexual beliefs is an action of self love; you will definitely thank yourself for sticking to your beliefs and not being afraid to stand for what you believe in. 

Jamaija Rhoades

Hampton U '21

Jamaija Rhoades is a transfer student pursuing the journalism major. She aspires to be a film journalist. Jamaija would also like to open up her own movie theater that holds enrichment programs for individuals of African descent. She enjoys watching movies and writing about the themes that inspire her within these movies.
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