As I looked down into the mass of gently swaying bodies at my cousin’s wedding, it occured to me how strange the institution of marriage really is.
Maggie (my cousin) was married in a beautiful church in Dubuque, Iowa. The ceremony was pleasant, if not a bit traditional for my taste, and the reception was held in an old hunting lodge. It was… nice, I suppose. Everyone was old and white and very Catholic, and nobody (not even the photographer!) wanted to dance with me, so I was in a bit of a foul mood, which might explain why my thoughts turned to criticism.
Marriage doesn’t make sense to me. I understand that couples often do it for the benefits; health insurance, tax breaks, etc, but is there any real substance behind it anymore? It started out as a religious ceremony, but when we collectively decided to separate church from state, it was conveniently overlooked. Yes, marriage is an important cultural tradition for many people, but legally speaking, it institutionalizes love. Do two people need to be legally bound together? I know this is rarely a factor in getting married, but it almost seems like marriage trivializes the trust that a couple shares with one another by forcing them to ‘promise’ themselves to one another by law.
Maggie and her husband, Jason, had lived together for almost a year before they decided to get married. The wedding cost what I assumed to be a considerable amount of money, and they really didn’t need to get married; it didn’t change anything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they did; the food was delicious and it was a chance to talk to relatives I haven’t seen in awhile, but you could tell they loved each other regardless.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that marriage for tradition is good, but marriage for legal purposes feels really wrong to me. Traditions bring families together and strengthen cultural ties, but why does the law need to be part of it? Shouldn’t unmarried couples get the same benefits as those who are legally married?
On the topic of weddings, I accidentally crashed one the other day. I really didn’t mean to, I was just walking in Rice Park, and ran into it. I sat on a park bench across from the ceremony, more out of boredom than anything. The groom was already at the altar, and I watched as the bride made her way down the sidewalk, her bridesmaid trailing behind her like molten silver.
I grew weary of listening to the mother-in-law prattling about how she was certain they would love one another forever, so I had a look around. In front of me, a starling pecked at crumbs. He knew nothing of marriage. He didn’t know anything about promises and broken promises. He didn’t know anything about affairs, or divorce. I asked him if he knew about love. He ate a crumb. The bride kissed the groom, and together, they walked off the altar. I cried.
Weddings confuse me. Nothing in the world makes me happier than seeing true, raw love, and nothing makes me sadder than seeing something as free as love trapped in the iron gibbet of the law.
I think I’ll keep going to them anyways.