Dear Piper;
I’m having a tough week. My boyfriend, Whinny McWhiny Pants, really wants me to get rid of my cat. He’s “deathly afraid” of cats and says that he can’t be around them and says that if we want to live together I’ll have to get rid of it. But I think he’s lying to me. We were sitting outside at a restaurant eating and this cat walked up and he didn’t react. He didn’t pet it, I didn’t either because I didn’t want the cat to stay around the table if he was afraid but he didn’t seem scared at all. I’m okay if he is scared of cats, but if he actually isn’t why would he tell me he is and what else is he lying about?
Sincerely,
-Suspicious and Annoyed
Dear Suspicious and Annoyed,
Girl, take your cat and leave him! Honestly, if you have a scooter I highly recommend this guy’s method of GTFO.
If your BF, Whiney McWhiny Pants is giving you an ultimatum between him and your cat, I would choose the cat. Especially because if he is going to be giving you ultimatums he is not someone that you want in your life. Giving out ultimatums induces stress on the person that is forced to choose, and I can tell that you are stressed based off your first sentence. Also McWhiny Pants forcing you to reach a decision on your own shows that he is not interested in making compromises and talking this out, which is the foundations of relationships so WTF dude.
Also it sounds like you enjoy having your cat, so why is he trying to jeopardize your happiness, and it doesn’t sound like you are that happy with your BF, hence the “Whinny McWhiny Pants.” But maybe you are the Bob the Builder of romantic relationships and can fix anything. If you feel like a gut punch at the thought of breaking up with him (like that it is going to make you sad in the long run, not just sad in the short term), then try having a conversation and see if you can get to the root of his problem with the cat. Maybe you can work it out. But as a fellow cat lover, it’s a big red flag for me. Honestly girl, that red flag could cover Alaska.
I once had a guy that I went on a couple dates with that was terribly, terribly, terribly allergic to cats. He knew that I LOVED cats, so when I found out I started to frown but then he said that he would be willing to put up with it for me. That is what you need, girl. You need someone that wants you to be happy and will take sacrifices. Just make sure you return the favor to them! Because that is how relationships work and it doesn’t seem like your current BF gets it. (Sometimes one person will be doing more of the compromising because things happen where the other can’t, but then if it’s a good relationship they will be there for you!)
P.S. If you are nosey and are wondering why I am not with Allergic Cat Guy, it’s because I had so much going on that I was not emotionally available for a relationship. And also he left early on that date to go clubbing with his friends. And he was kinda a pretentious, sexist, classist asshole, which is a VERY big deciding factor. So sometimes guys say things that make them sound like Drake, but are not even close to being Drake.
Do what seems best for you and your cat, maybe that’s talking to your BF and trying to work things out between him and your cat or maybe it’s just ditching me. (I still say leave him.) But once you have either of those worked out, you and your cat will live happily ever after!
Sincerely,
Patricia Piper