Dear Piper,
I am graduating and I really want a professor to be my mentor beyond graduation. How do I go about asking them?
Signed,
In Need of Mentoring
Dear In Need of Mentoring,
GIRL! SAME! I have been trying to figure out how to get a prof to become my mentor, not just in school but for life. But it’s awkward to just go up to them and say, “Yo prof, you wanna help me live my life for the rest of my life?” You can’t do that. I don’t care how high your confidence is or how close you are with that prof. Well, fine, maybe it would work with Jenn England. But other ones, especially Frank Shaw (who looks like the Grandpa from ‘Meet the Robinsons’)– great guy, super kind–might be unsure how to approach that question.
So first off, know your audience when you ‘pop the question’ to your hopeful mentor. If you know that they hate emails because they think they’re dumb and impersonal, don’t ask them over email. (Especially if they never check it, because you will end up mentorless.) Plus, it might make you look selfish and you want to make sure who you are asking knows that you are asking them for a favor. It’s totally cool if they say they are too busy right now. They are people too and a lot of them have kids, classes to teach and their own projects they are pursuing. If they don’t have time they wouldn’t really be able to mentor you anyways.
The best way to have this conversation is the old fashioned face-to-face communication, which you will need to do your homework for. This isn’t an assignment that you will be turning into them. But, you should know: how much time you think you will need from your mentor, what you want to get out of being mentored and why you chose them. This will help with a lot of problems in the future if they say yes and even if they say no, they will know that you were serious about pursuing being mentored. Answering these questions might be awkward and weird, especially why you chose them, because they are there while you are talking about how rad they are, but most profs want to help out.
If you are still looking for the one to be your mentor, you can visit them during their office hours, or if they are adjunct faculty, just email to set up a meeting. In that conversation ask them for their advice on whatever it is that you are going through: a project, finding an internship, hiding a body, etc. If they are willing and excited and have a lot of helpful things to say, then you might be hearing mentorship bells ringing in your head. If they are uninterested or give you advice that you hate, maybe reconsider. Because it would be real awkward if you ask them to be your mentor and they say yes, and then you hate their advice and never follow it. Because if they are a good mentor, they will follow up.
Congrats on graduating! Just walk up to that prof’s door with your head high and shoulders back and you can ask for that rad prof to be your mentor. Just remember what my grandpa always says, “The worse they can do is say no, they can’t take away your birthday.”
Sincerely,
Patricia Piper