Dear First Year Me

You did it, you said goodbye to mom. It was hard, and you forced yourself not to cry, but that is not healthy, girl. Get out of that habit soon, it is no good. It is more than okay to cry, even if it has to be in the dorm shower or silently in bed so you do not wake up your roommate. Expressing your emotions is so important. 

Your roommate will become your friend and so will the other people in your hall. People will like you. You are so friendly.

It’s okay to not join 100 clubs and orgs and to not have a job for two weeks. I know it will kill you, and that you will eventually over-commit yourself, and that is okay, I know how you are. I am so impressed by you.

 It is okay to have free-time. I know that felt wrong in high school, and so did napping or watching TV, but you are allowed to find time for yourself. Please do that early, you need it to be healthy. Eating a few too many snacks and swiping into the dining hall for seconds is okay. You can love your body. Look around—your peers all look different than you and they are all still so beautiful, as are you.

The gym is not just for athletes, you belong there just as much as them. Future you still gets scared to go sometimes but just because you do not lift as much does not make you less strong. Seeing a counselor does not make you weak. Opening up to your parents about how bad you are feeling inside does not make you weak. You are so incredibly strong. 

Do not sacrifice your well-being for a long-distance relationship. Things will work out in the end, but do not destroy yourself to keep something that is dying alive. He will come around, even if he has to mess up pretty bad in order to do that. You are so lovable, do not ever believe otherwise.

Messing up is a part of life. First, apologize, and then try to forgive yourself. All you can do is say sorry, ask how to do better next time and then promise to do better. Do not beat yourself up trying to change something that has already happened. You cannot make others feel anything, you cannot change how they choose to feel. So, move on. Continue to grow. 

You will pass your classes, and not only that, you will get all A’s. You are so intelligent.

You will figure out your major, and it is not the one you came in wanting to do. That is okay, this one is so much better. It is so you. Future you is still worried about it, but what is college without confusion about what it all means? You are going to be successful. 

Things will get hard, harder than they ever have been before. You make it through, though, and you come out so much brighter and better than ever before. You will make it, you always do. I am so, so proud of you. You are going to become something so great, even if you cannot see it now.

Yours,

Future Molly