The end of the semester is rough. We’re all tired, stressed and want to die. During this dark pre-finals period, we need to find whatever joy we can in the little things. For those with a dumb sense of humor, or those who have reached the slap-happy stage of stress where everything is funny, have some great (terrible) dad jokes to get you through the day.
Dad in a bathroom:
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.
The nationality of fries:
Did you know the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Walking away from you now dad:
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? ….Never mind. It’s tearable.
No, just no:
If you see a robbery at an Apple store does that make you an iWitness?
Not a safe password:
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
Why Shoes?:
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
Okay That got a laugh, dad:
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I’m the second guy:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Paranoia:
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
Jokes going global:
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
Pity laugh:
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
I’m two tired:
Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired.
Look what you made me do:
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
Sigh…:
Can February March? No. But April May.
Silently tries to think of how to spell pterodactyl in my head:
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the p is silent.
Voldemort then petrified my dad:
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Team Edward:
Where would a college aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.
Now I’m hungry:
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Punny:
Why did coffee file a police report? It was mugged.
At least he had a brain:
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Don’t touch my cheese:
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Almost as good as sliced bread:
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
I’m dead:
The graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
Until Superman changes the rotation:
The rotation of the earth makes my day.
But this joke sure wasn’t sole depressing:
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole depressing.
I know several of these made me chuckle. Here’s to hoping that some of them made you laugh too. Good luck with the end of the semester and try to find something worth laughing at every day.