DATING: it’s a word that we’re constantly thinking about, talking about, and maybe even jumping about…but for a word that’s used so frequently – how many of us really know what it means? Or if you think you can define it, what are the chances that your definition is the same as your friend’s…or your boyfriend’s?
The truth is: when attempting to define “dating” in the college scene; it’s not as simple as turning to a page in Webster’s Dictionary and coming up with a definition that we all agree upon. There is no universal meaning, nor is it written anywhere in black and white.
Instead, it may be written in blue and white on our Facebook profiles – but even this can cause things to get ‘complicated’. (Seriously, with all of those different options…we can be looking for anything from “domestic partnership” to “random play”…it’s no wonder our generation is so confused!) But the reality is: as students living in this fast-paced techno world, where we’re more excited by the blinking red light on our blackberries than by the prospect of a red rose on our doorsteps; I can’t help but wonder – is the traditional term “dating” becoming out-dated?* (*Pun intended).
Let’s find out. How many of you have faced a scenario like this one?
You spy a cute guy in your chemistry class, and one day, (after weeks of spilling chemicals on yourself because you’re too busy staring at him), he approaches you and says, “we should be lab partners, because we’ve got chemistry!” You share a laugh, write down your number in his lab manual, and agree to go out on a ‘date.’ On Saturday night he picks you up at your dorm room for a night of “dinner and dancing,” and you end the night with a kiss under the stars. As the weeks go by, dinner turns into ice-skating, ice-skating turns into picnics, and before you know it; you’re sharing a bowl of spaghetti on a red and white-checkered tablecloth just like the lady and the tramp. (AKA: you are ‘dating’).
Chances are: if you are a college student, (and you’re living in the year 2011), none of you have EVER had this cheesy scenario happen to you in real life. I hate to break it to any of you hopeless romantics, but if my imaginary chemistry friend sounds like your knight in shining armor, the only place you’re going to find him is on the Disney channel or in an old Mary Kate & Ashley movie. (I recommend ‘Passport to Paris’ if you really want to see “teen-love” at its finest. It took me years to realize that it’s not normal to meet two gorgeous guys on mopeds and have dinner underneath the glimmering Eiffel Tower at age thirteen…but that’s besides the point).
Now, I don’t want you to think that you should give up on the hope of experiencing romance in college, nor am I saying that you will never go out on a date during your four years here…all I’m getting at is: If you do start dating someone in college, it may be more resembling to the following scenario:
You notice a cute guy in one of your classes. You make seductive eye contact throughout the lecture, but neither of you verbally acknowledge each other for a couple of weeks. Then, you’re out at McFaddens on a Tuesday night, and you see him through your cranberry-vodka haze. (You are of legal age to drink of course…this is McFaddens we’re talking about). He eventually approaches you, and pretty soon you’re flirting about how boring last week’s lecture was, or how funny some classmate’s comment was bla bla bla. He offers to buy you a drink, and the next thing you know, you’re on the dance floor attempting to master the “look hot, dance with rhythm, and don’t spill your drink all over your hair” routine. By the time you’ve lost your straw, you’re making out underneath the Louisville banner and typing your number into his cell phone. You spend the next few weekends receiving the “What are you up to tonight?” text, and you start meeting each other out more regularly. Then the texts transition to, “Wanna come chill and watch a movie with me tonight?” which is guy code for, “Wanna come hookup with me tonight?” So you may start to engage in some of the “physical” aspects of the relationship before you’ve even been on a technical “date.” Once you feel comfortable with one another outside of the bar setting, you start going out to dinner and partaking in the more “traditional dates.” But as you see, this does not happen until after your initial hookup.
So what’s going on here? Do college kids have it backwards? Or could we actually be on to something?
I’ve heard some of my friends, (both guys and girls included), refer to this process as “test driving the car before you buy it.” This is a sleazy way of saying, “why put in the time, effort, and money of going out on traditional dates with a person, before you even know if you have that physical spark?” So we rationalize that it makes sense to “test the waters,” and see if we can have fun with someone in the party setting, before we invest the time in getting to know them. Often, these consistent hookups do turn into relationships that resemble the traditional dating pattern; but college students seem to be “crossing the finish line” before we start the race.
Does this scenario only exist on college campuses because of the college life style? We spend weeknights in the library until 3am, and weekend nights at the bars until 4am… so that doesn’t leave much time for real “dates.” Or do we avoid real dates because we look at dating as something that we experience in our 20s and 30s, and look at college as a time to be “single and ready to mingle”?
Whatever our reasons are, there’s no denying that the dating world is evolving as rapidly as technology. (In fact, I actually argued in a previous article that technology is partly to blame). But if you ask me, as long as you are entering this college-dating scene with respect for yourself, and you are aware of your boundaries, there’s no harm in doing a little car shopping. College is the time to have an array of different experiences, and to discover what you’re really looking for in a guy and in a relationship. So perhaps it’s a good thing that we’re partially abandoning the awkward spaghetti dates – we’re learning what we like, what we want, and most importantly: who we are. Because one thing is for sure: dating may be taking on new forms, but making out will never be out-dated.