Back in the 90s, the Backstreet Boys told us to quit “playing games,” and start acting true to our emotions. Yet, for us 8-year-old girls, it’s safe to say that none of us understood the meaning behind their catchy tune. Even so, we sang along to it using our hairbrushes as microphones, choreographed dances to it inside of our closets (or maybe that was just me), and pictured Twister, Candyland, and Parcheesi when they sang the word “games.”
Little did we know, but the games people play in relationships, (or when they’re attempting to start a relationship), are even more complicated than the toughest game of poker. Why do you think Lady Gaga came up with the song, “Poker Face?” When it comes to relationships, it’s impossible to truly read your partner’s face or understand what they’re thinking.
How many of you have ever had a guy tell you that you’re toying with his mind? If you hear this phrase rather frequently, it means that you’re one of the many girls who would rather partake in the “chase” than in the actual relationship. In fact, you’ve probably convinced yourself that you’re not the “relationship type”, because you have an easier time committing to next summer’s plans than to a date with a guy. It’s hard for you to express how you feel, so instead you flirt, have fun, and tease him until he shows the first sign that he’s really into you. Then, this becomes the point where you either run for the hills, or you intentionally mess things up because you’re scared of what comes next.
If this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. It does not mean that you will grow up to become the old lady that lives alone in her shoe; it just means that you have a lot of high heels left in your closet and you’ve yet to find the perfect fit. It’s perfectly normal to get a thrill from the chase. This initial “hard-to-get” part of the relationship is often the most exciting, because everything is new, nothing is predictable, and (like a new pair of shoes), you’re free to “try it on for size” to see how well your personalities mesh. But problems arise when he’s ready to move forward, and you’re still stuck inside of the shoe rack. You think you may have feelings for him, but commitment scares you more than the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” So you start sending him mixed signals, causing confusion in his brain and nervous flutters in your stomach; AKA, you are playing games.
Games can be fun for a little while, but eventually, even the best games reach a point where they go from “overtime” to “overkill,” and you have to pick a team. You can either stay single for life, or you can open your mind to the prospect of a real relationship. But how do you let your guard down? How do you transition from the Backstreet Boys’ worst nightmare, (who refuses to stop playing games), to the ideal girlfriend who’s content in her relationship?
- Step 1: Allow him to be a gentleman. Most “game-playing” girls have a certain Samantha Jones, feminist quality about them. They don’t let guys take them to dinner, buy them a drink, or help them in any way at all. But if you want your man to become your partner, it’s okay to let him take care of you every once in a while. You should allow him to do nice things for you when he wants to – just don’t become dependent to the point where you forget how to do certain things on your own. This is 2011: women are equally as powerful and capable of taking care of men, as they are of us.
- Step 2: Be yourself. Don’t hide any of your true attributes; show him who you really are. You don’t want your relationship to turn into an act of a Shakespeare play. It will become exhausting, (and unhealthy), to try to live up to a character that you’ve falsely created for yourself.
- Step 3: Don’t freak out when he tells you he likes you. After all, what are we so afraid of?! What’s wrong with being with a guy who truly appreciates you and wants to spend time getting to know you better? When you stop chasing, you start to connect emotionally and you realize that this can lead to an even greater thrill.
- Step 4: Tell him how you feel. Honesty is always the best policy. If you feel like you like him, but you’re not sure that you’re ready for a relationship – tell him. This can lead to a conversation, which can lead to results, as opposed to sending him mixed signals and conflicting cues, which will only lead to frustration.
- Step 5: Remember that commitment is not a death sentence. There’s such a thing as breaking up if things don’t work out. This does not mean that you should jump into a relationship with any guy who wants to pursue one with you. It just means that if you like him, and the only thing holding you back is the fear of exclusivity – take a deep breath. Relationships are not burning buildings that you cannot escape. You can end a relationship if it’s not right, but it’s better that you took the risk than that you ran away from a potentially great opportunity.
So there you have it: Five easy steps that will make you the Backstreet Boys’ dream girl. You can quit playing games, and start taking chances – because you’ll never know how well something fits until you try it on. Now, if only more of the Backstreet Boys were single…