Samantha Holender here! Your one and only source into the scintillating lives of DC’s elite. Why am I here? To share all my feelings I thought I’d never tell.
You see, I ventured into foreign territory just last week. Where did I head off to, you ask? Guess. No guesses? Fine, I’ll tell you…suburbia! Yep, I went home for the weekend (and I Instagram-ed it, so you know it was real). Am I ashamed of needing a break? Not at all. We all need a little one-on-one with our bed (and dog) every once in a while. But, my three-day hiatus was worth much more than just some personal R & R. I don’t mean to get too mushy (ugh), but my impromptu rendezvous made me realize something. As much as I love going back to good ol’ Pennsylvania (born and raised!), I really, truly missed college. So, GW collegiettes, listen up: here were some of my thoughts from my home-away-from-home.
1. Um, wait, what? Excuse me, Uber driver, why are you 30 minutes away? Not okay.
2. Does this mean I actually have to drive?
3. No motorcade to hold me up? I’ll be on time? I can live with this.
4. But now I’m not walking anywhere? That means no exercise. Does that mean I have to “gym”?
5. This gym does NOT have PB&J acai bowls. Where the hell am I? I can tell you one thing: it’s not HelWell: they would have my PB&J bowl…
6. *Hungry* *goes to restaurant* *tries to pay with GWorld* *restaurant doesn’t take GWorld*
7. Do I have to eat alone? Why am I alone? I don’t like to be alone! Someone sit with me. No one? I’m stressed.
8. Where are friends? Why is no one here? Give me attention!
9. More importantly, where are my friends’ clothes? Nothing I have is right!
10. What do I do now? Dinner’s over. Do I go to bed? No Opera here. #lame.
11. Now it’s 3 AM. I can’t sleep. I want food. “Mom, why don’t we have a Captain Cookie/Crepeaway/Jumbo Slice. Feed me mom!!”
12. Why is the hall so quiet? Should I open my door? Haha. Just kidding. This isn’t Thurston. No random people are going to entertain me tonight.
13. I guess my dog and the Real Housewives will have to do.
14. Oh my god. I slept through the night? No screaming in Thurston or music playing in the vents? Pause. Let that soak in. So I don’t have to say this?
15. Starbucks time.
16. Huh, no secret service in here.
17. Order up! Wow, coffee can be ordered, made and received in under 25 minutes?
18. Um, excuse me, kind sir, THIS COFFEE IS TERRIBLE. FIX IT! Please.
19. I miss GW Deli coffee.
20. Like, I really miss GW Deli coffee.
21. Why am I not in pictures with all my friends? They’re having fun.
22. I’m going crazy. No good shopping. Where’s M Street when you need it?
23. Guess I’ll just study. But, no Gelman. No hippo to rub for good luck… Uh oh. Guess I’ll just fail. Whoops!
24. Okay. Love you family, but I need to go home. Book me the next train to Union Station. Sayonara, Pennsylvania. Hello, D.C.
25. And then there’s this because, why not?
You know you loved this. Xoxo.