1. Georgetown Pretention
What is more pretentious: outright saying you’re pretentious in your Tinder tagline or not even knowing you are? That’s a question I’ve asked myself while talking to this particular breed of Georgetown student. They can usually offer some sort of conversation of substance, but they do have other more important things to do so they’ll politely cut the conversation short to get to the chase: Drinks at The Tombs or no? (I’m always looking for an excuse to walk through the lovely Georgetown (although walking side by side with someone is always a struggle), so why not?)
Not going to lie: even though a Georgetown guy can talk for a while, I always enjoy listening. I usually learn something about some new startup, something personal about a politician, or about some networking event happening next week. However, after this kind of conversation for a while you start to wonder—is this date some kind of networking event in and of itself? Is Tinder just another way to network for the pretentious Georgetown guy? That might kill the mood or turn you on; do with that what you please.
2. The Military Man
There is nothing I love better than some respectful, but flirty, conversation and a uniform. Ladies, if you are feeling a little patriotic, help your country by engaging in some flirty conversation with our servicemen. Simply widen your Tinder discovery preference range a little bit to get a few of these charmers. Since it’s usually difficult to actually meet in person, the pressure and the fear of IRL expectation is gone. So get ready for some honest “tell me about your childhood” kind of conversations and opening up to a guy who you’ll most likely never meet, but always have a soft spot for.
Now, my personal favorite: the new-to-DC young professional aged 22-25. These guys are fun. They aren’t looking for anything serious and they aren’t usually looking to JUST hookup. They want to explore fun bars and have a good time, and they’re willing to pick up the tab for it. New bar you want to try? Trivia night at Stoney’s? Salsa lessons at Café Citron? This is your man. At least, once or twice he is. Or maybe once a month until work picks up and he stops texting you “want to do something fun tonight?” sporadically like he did before. These guys came to DC for a reason: to be a slave to their professions. So expect fun, but don’t expect it to last.
5. Foggy Bottom Fraternizer
This GW fraternity member probably got Tinder as a bet with one of his frat brothers to see who could get the most matches. They think everything is a game, and are looking for the exact opposite of anything serious. Tinder, for them, is for the sole reason of relieving boredom and bootycalling hot women they’ve never met. For this reason, don’t be surprised when A) You never get a message first or B) The first message is at 2 A.M. a few days after you matched saying “Hey, I have a bottle of wine, want to come over?”. However, that is if you’re lucky: first messages are often a lot more crude and not very imaginative. Girl, no judgement if you go for it, but I highly doubt a quick rumble with a pretty smashed guy is your definition of fun. But, if you’re bored and looking for a new story to tell your friends- go for it. Just be safe!
6. The Rural Guy in Camo (who you wish you could unsee)
You know who I’m talking about. You’ve seen him occasionally and have never swiped left faster in your life. Their pictures usually have them hunting in full camo, gun in hand, in some kind of truck or jeep, or perhaps they have a blurry mirror picture in a dimly-lit bathroom. You instantly get confused as to HOW this person is on your DC Tinder radar. Alas, we forget that not too far away from our beloved District are rural Virginia and Maryland. It’s a clear reminder of why you left your boring town and came to college in the best city ever.