To my fellow introverts —
We all know what it is to be the “quiet one.”
We’ve all undergone the torture that is middle school and suffered the social exhaustion of high school. We skipped the school dances, read books during lunch hour, prayed we wouldn’t be called on in class, and artfully demonstrated our awkward conversational skills. And at a certain point along the way, we learned — or, if you haven’t, you will learn — to embrace and celebrate the introverted quirkiness that makes us who we are.
Unfortunately, the troubles we face as introverts in a sea of extroverts don’t end when high school does. College life, as I’ve quickly learned during my first couple of weeks as a first-year, still involves many of the dreaded social experiences that we introverts are all too familiar with.
Here are some of the things that have taxed my introverted self the most since I’ve been on campus:
1. Get-To-Know Yous
When orientation begins, it’s as if everyone switches into “get-to-know-you” mode. We’re handed long, color-coded schedules of activities crammed into the weekend, thrown into orientation groups, and expected to automatically be the best of chums. I understand that everyone’s new, and that everyone’s in the same boat, but I thought that once I finished high school, I’d be done with all the name games and partner-ups. If you’re introverted, you probably know the age-old phrase: “Let’s go around the room and say our names and where we’re from, and what we did this summer.” This is a standard back-to-school activity no matter what grade level you’re in — and yes, I should be used to it by now — but it still makes me groan. Anything that involves “going around the room” puts me in instant panic mode — my heart starts racing a little faster, I get ever more aware as my turn gets closer, I keep repeating whatever I was planning on saying to myself so I don’t forget it. What did I do this summer? How am I going to phrase it? Wait, that was the question right?
It’s really interesting how something that’s as easy as breathing for one person can cause another person an insane amount of stress. It’s the same feeling I had in elementary school when we were instructed to read aloud as a class, going up and down the rows, each reading a paragraph of text. It’s stressful, and sometimes a little frightening. Now, I’m not saying it isn’t important to meet people and make new friends and all, especially during the first couple of weeks of college, but when it’s too much socialization — socialization that I didn’t choose, socialization that means one activity after another all day — part me wants to just turn the other way and bolt.
2. Excessive School Spirit — and Being Expected to Follow Along
I get it. Yay, college. We’re happy. Woohoo.
I probably sound awful to some of you, but the way I see it, there’s a difference between being genuinely happy and overly happy — and the same rule applies to school spirit. Just like in high school, the students who go above and beyond to show school pride — the ones who wear face paint and lead cheers in the stands — are praised for their exhibitions, while those of us who simply aren’t into those sorts of things are sometimes made to feel badly about not following suit.
Look, I’m all for being proud of your school, but if I wanted to be in the pep squad, I would’ve signed up for it. So don’t get upset with me if I don’t wear the school colors, or go to the football games, or participate in cheers. Why can’t I support my school in my own way? I love my college, and I love being involved with different departments and organizations around campus. I’ll write for the paper, attend the plays, join some clubs. And that is a form of school pride too — a quieter form, perhaps, but a valid one. So please — if you’re the kind of person who gives people a hard time for not being “spirited” enough, give them a break — some of us just don’t feel comfortable being crazy and loud. It doesn’t mean we don’t take pride in our school, or that we don’t care about it — we simply prefer to show our love in ways that are different from yours.
3. Activities, Socials, and Mixers — and Being Pressured to Attend
“Are you going to the dance tonight?”
“Um, no, probably not. Dances aren’t really my thing.”
“Oh, c’mon! Are you antisocial?”
I’m sorry, but who decided that not going to a dance instantly tagged someone as antisocial? Why is something automatically wrong with me, if I say I don’t want to go? It’s a thing called introversion, my friends. And it simply means that I like quiet. I like alone time. And I don’t know about you, but I’d just rather avoid loud, crowded social events. College is full of these kinds of things — weekend dance parties, large-group games, free food — you name it. These “mixer” activities are meant to be fun and social — and some people thrive on them. But to most introverts, the idea of a “mixer” or social sounds exhausting. All those people, all that noise, the pressure of having to be sociable — most of the time, we introverts know ourselves well enough to know that sometimes we just don’t enjoy those things. Sure, we might come to some dances and events every now and then — it’s just that too much socializing tires us out quickly, and sometimes we just prefer to stay in and recharge for the night.
So you go ahead and go to your dance, if that’s your thing. Go have fun at the discos and game nights and all-you-can-eat pancake parties, by all means. You’ll have an amazing time, and probably make loads of friends. But while you do that, I’m going to stay in my dorm in my pajamas eating Annie’s Cheddar bunnies and writing angsty love poetry in bed. That’s my idea of a fun night — and, party people, is it any less valid than yours? You do your thing, I’ll do mine — and neither of us should give the other a hard time for it.
4. Noisy Neighbors
Quiet hours, noun. Hours during which we must be courteous and quiet, because it’s late and people have important things to do and a sense of sanity to uphold.
Honestly, what would it take to get people to respect this?
It’s amazing how soon one becomes accustomed to the sounds of a res hall — doors slamming, obnoxious laughter, toilets flushing, choir kids skipping down the hallways singing, Mamma Mia playing at full volume across the hall. People act like it’s summer camp, leaving their doors wide open and visiting each other — and that’s great and all, but please, please, please — give me my quiet hours. Because while it’s nice to get to know your floormates, this isn’t summer camp — we’re actually living here. And it’s hard to feel at home when your obnoxious upstairs neighbors are blasting rap music through the walls, and people are chatting loudly, and movies are playing at full volume.
Now is not the time, my friends, for choir practice or playing tag or bed-flipping (or whatever it is they’re doing up there. Sumo wrestling? Karate? Human sacrifice? Who knows?). People might be studying, or sleeping, or just living life — and it’s only right to respect that. After all, people might be enduring all of your noisiness because they’re too polite to come out of their rooms and ask you to quiet down. So, res hall residents, please be mindful of how loud you’re being, especially late into the night. If extroverts get their social hours, it’s only fair to let the introverts have their quiet hours. And, on top of that, don’t cast me as some sort of antisocial downer just for keeping my door shut and staying in my room. I didn’t sign up to live in a doorless setting. It’s not that I don’t like you — I just need my space, and I need my quiet.
A message of hope and resilience —
In spite of all the daily troubles we face as introverts, we are strong, if slightly awkward, individuals. We know who we are and with what we’re comfortable. So don’t let the social norms of college life sweep you away. Don’t let them tell you that you aren’t being loud enough, or cheery enough, or social enough. Be unconventional. Be your introverted, quirky self. Have a one-person pajama party in your dorm, if you feel like it. Skip the parties. Jam out to Hamilton in the safety of your room. Write all the angsty poetry you want. Make oatmeal and tea at 9:00 pm.
We can live our own version of college life, sans parties and mixers and loud noises. Live your life the way you know is right for you, and remember that you have the power to make your college experience entirely your own.
Over and out,
Laura