The holiday season is supposed to be a time of love, relaxation, and overeating delicious food. However, stress can definitely be added to the mix when your significant other invites you to their family’s holiday celebration. Here are ten tips – based on my five-year relationship and many holidays spent with my significant other’s family – that can hopefully help to ease any anxiety.
1. Wear appropriate clothing.
More often than not, your SO’s younger siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews could be invited to the family gathering, and will want to play hide and seek or build Lego towers with you. These activities are a lot easier – and more fun – to participate in when wearing pants and a sensible (but festive!) top. Low cut holiday dresses, graphic t-shirts, and ripped jeans are probably not going to send the right impression. Dress to impress and also to be comfortable.
2. Always wear socks.
Sometimes, holiday celebrations are held at a relative’s home, and it is generally a sign of respect to remove your shoes upon entry. This, however, does not mean that you should walk around barefoot and live with cold feet or the knowledge that the entire family can see your dated pedicure or otherwise sad winter feet for the rest of the night. When picking out footwear for the event, I like to remember that my SO’s family will not see my shoes for very long, and tend to choose a pair of shoes that slips on and off easily over a pair of cozy socks. If my shoes absolutely will not work with socks, though, I am never afraid to slip a cute pair of comfortable socks or slippers into my bag, and throw them on when I get there.
3. Do not bring gifts for the entire family.
If you are anything like me, you were raised never to show up to a gathering empty-handed. For this situation, a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates for the host is plenty and will make a positive impression. Don’t feel like you must buy gifts for the entire family, as it is likely that they did not get anything for you, and may even have a preset gift exchange routine in their family.
4. It is not a big deal if you are left out of the gift exchange this year.
Opening gifts can be a fun part of a holiday celebration, but don’t feel left out if nothing was purchased for you. Most extended families use Secret Santa or name drawing formats to make gift-giving efficient and economic. It is likely that, as the visiting SO, your name wasn’t included in the rotation. Instead of sulking, show excitement for those receiving gifts, and graciously offer to pick a name for next year. If someone does remember to buy you a gift, make sure to thank him or her in person, and then follow-up with a handwritten thank you in the mail. (Bonus brownie points if you send a thank you to the host as well!)
5. Come hungry – but not too hungry.
Family gatherings generally have a lot of food, so you will have ample opportunities to eat. Make sure to come hungry enough to be able to enjoy all the wonderful home-cooked food, but not so hungry that you start to get “hangry”. I like to stick a granola bar or other simple snack in my bag in case dinner is running late in order to avoid any grumpy, hungry feelings I may otherwise develop. In addition, it can be fun to try a sample of everything, and this way you have plenty of tummy space to enjoy!
6. Voice allergies or eating preferences only if asked or absolutely necessary.
Feel free to list your food allergies or vegetarian beliefs before dinner if the chef asks you, or if they are fatal, but don’t feel the need to broadcast them to the entire family before eating. It’s perfectly acceptable to skip a dish in the buffet line or while it is being passed around the table if it doesn’t mesh with your diet. There’s no need to verbalize these preferences unless asked.
7. Drink responsibly.
Situational awareness is never more important than at the future in-laws’ house. A family gathering at your SO’s house is not a great place to slur your words or get black out drunk. Puking in your potential future in-laws bathroom will never make a good first impression. Stay on top of your game by only having one or two drinks, and be sure to switch to water if you start to feel too tipsy.
8. Don’t be afraid to start a conversation with their family.
It can be awkward or intimidating to start a conversation with your SO’s family members who you don’t know. Just remember, they have all been in a similar position at one point in their lives, and will likely be understanding, gracious, and inviting toward you. Also, your desire to get to know the family will reflect positively on you. You want them to remember you as being “the nice one”.
9. Just be you.
Your significant other loves you and chose to invite you to their family gathering for a reason. Remember to be yourself, and the rest of their family will eventually like you for the exact reasons.