1. First and foremost, looking up “bruising easily” on WebMD and coming to terms with the fact that you are slowly dying and decaying on the inside. I seriously looked it up on Google and it had the audacity to tell me that I may have hemophilia or leukemia, but I’m pretty healthy, so what is the truth? Also, apparently bruising like a peach runs in the family so thanks a lot, Mom and Dad.
2. Waking up with mysterious bruises in odd places on your body and wondering if a ghost beat you up in your sleep.
3. Exclaiming, “Oh that’s gonna bruise!” when you bump into anything. You absolutely fear sharp corners on furniture, running into the counter is the worst pain you have ever felt, and hip bruises are worst. That coffee table isn’t your friend; it wants to see you on the ground in pain. There’s only one thing worse than stepping on a Lego, and that is stubbing your toe. Oh, and that little friendly “nudge” your friend gave you on the arm? They might as well have punched you, it will look the same.
4. When your mom sees your bruises and she starts to worry. She thinks you either got mugged or jumped by a gang and she starts lecturing you about being more careful.
5. A night out is always ruined by that gnarly bruise on your shin that you got from running into a chair. Wearing a skirt or a dress that shows off your bruised legs is a no go. I even got bruises on my toes from breaking some heels in; I didn’t even know that was possible!
6. Two words: bruised buttocks. They are the worst because I love sitting on my ass doing nothing sometimes and doing something you love should not hurt. Then you have to shift in your seat to find a position in which you are not putting too much pressure on the bruise.
7. Hickies.
8. People probably think your life is more exciting than it actually is. Is she a collegiette by day and crime fighting vigilante by night? You think this looks bad? You should see the other guy! I’m just kidding.