1 in 5 – the amount of young people that will experience some form of dating abuse throughout their lives, women having a greater likelihood.
The line between a healthy, affectionate and loving relationship and a relationship that is controlling and dangerous is very blurry. The behavior comes on quick and is subtle. Spotting the signs is difficult; knowing when to seek help and when to get out of the relationship is often times blurred by the partners validation of their behavior. Take a look at 5 basic behaviors to watch out for to avoid the potential for an abusive relationship:
- Do they get jealous when you hang out with anybody else?
- Do they get upset when you don’t answer their texts or calls right away?
- Have they ever made fun of you, spread rumors about you or destroyed something that belonged to you?
- Do they ever read your texts, or need to know who you are talking to all the time?
- Have they ever threatened to hurt themselves if you leave?
There are many forms of abuse within a relationship and many ways to spot it early on, if you let yourself. Had I been more informed on emotionally abusive relationships, I may have been able to spot the signs earlier on in my own relationship. I found myself constantly getting angry at my friends and family for always telling me how wonderful my significant other was, while behind closed doors I felt trapped – I couldn’t understand why I was treated so well in front of people but when we were alone he couldn’t maintain that behavior. I just prayed that one day it would all go away, that the man he was in public would take over the man he was in private. I convinced myself, that he was the guy he was in public; I wanted to believe it because that guy was amazing, so loving and so supportive.
I became distant from my support system; I had put all my trust, faith and love into a person that convinced me that I didn’t deserve anything better than what he could give me. Truth was, what he gave me was hurt, pain and self-doubt. I was too afraid to tell my family or friends about my relationship because I knew it was wrong, but I justified it to myself – in my mind, it was his way of showing me he loves me, being over protective and treating me more like property than his girlfriend, that was just his way of loving me. Name calling, judgments, controlling it was all a part of our relationship but I was too scared to leave because I trusted him when he told me he was the best I could get or that I didn’t deserve better. Getting out of that relationship, I felt free; I didn’t even realize how restricting it was and how unhappy the relationship was making me until I was out of it.
This campaign is all about learning the signs of abusive relationships and taking time for you. Take time to recover from a relationship that wasn’t good for you, take time to figure out if your current relationship is really making you happy, or allowing you to be the best version of yourself. Find yourself again, make yourself happy, and work on YOU! Make 2017 the year of you.
If you find yourself struggling in an abusive relationship and are too afraid to talk to those close to you about it, take advantage of the hotlines that DoSomething.org has in place:
Text CHAT to 741741
To reach someone at the Crisis Text Line, for free, 24/7 emotional support.