As a black woman, I have had some pretty shocking experiences in the way I’ve been treated by other people within my community. These situations made me realize that black people as a whole, tend to treat each other how we expect other groups to treat us. In hindsight, those of us who cause the damage don’t even know it’s being done. Take the use of the word “dreads” rather than “locs.” What many people don’t understand is that “dreads” was a term coined by our people’s captors to describe the “dreadful” looks of locs that our people have long considered to be a crown. Even more common than that is the use of the n-word. It’s no little-known fact that the word stems from several hundred years of abuse and wrongdoing, yet many of us perpetuate its roots by using it as slang and covering up its past by excusing it as a term of endearment. Even more so, many black people tend to act in a way that, had our skin been different, would be considered to be an outrage or social injustice to people of color everywhere.
Take this as an example.
I was serving a group of three black men seated at a larger table; they said they were expecting more people, so I made accommodations ahead of time. As time goes on, more and more people begin to arrive at the table. The group of friends were drinking, smoking hookah, dancing—just enjoying themselves. The three men who came first all got up and walked outside without paying their $300 tab. I followed them outside without accusing the men of anything wrong. They told me the three of them were going to move their single car; I let them know that parking was free after 7 p.m. and followed them inside. As we all came back, chaos was unleashed; I was screamed at, ATM slips were thrown at me and a black woman in the party prepared to fight me.
I understand completely the picture society paints of black people and in no way did I intend to make this group feel as though I thought they couldn’t afford their bill. They caused a scene in the middle of the restaurant due to what I can only believe was their feeling that I would assume they didn’t have enough money to take care of their check. And all at the same time, this one group portrayed one of the more hurtful stereotypes about black people—that they are “ghetto.”
There have been countless occasions where I have both witnessed and been a victim of black people tearing black people down. Growing up, the black people in my family taught me to never do business with other black people. I have associates who strongly believe you can’t be black because you don’t like certain foods or speak a certain way. More importantly, I have seen black men and women comment negatively about each other’s ways, knowing they can only produce black children.
I know that this seems like a lot of problems with very little to be said for solutions, but I believe in the power of our community to change as we have in the past. We need to be more conscious of how we treat each other. Many black people seem to have an attitude that mimics, “I can talk badly about my mom, but if you say something there’s a problem,” and apply that logic to other black people. This generation is now coming to an age of having our own children or being old enough to teach the ones around you. Let them know first not to tolerate disrespect from anyone, regardless of their skin. Encourage them to use language that shows the unquestionable amount of love we share as a people. Don’t perpetuate the kinds of actions that feed into the stereotypes we face every single day. It starts with the youth.
As a black adult, keep this thought with you when you’re interacting with other black people: how would I react if a non-POC treated me the way I have treated someone else? Those of us who make excuses for our behavior need to sit and have a long talk with ourselves and pull out the root of our willingness to allow the disrespect of other black people by other black people. And please, if you see something, say something. By quietly shaking our heads, we habitually turn a blind eye to the things happening around us that are destroying our community from within.
If you need somewhere to start your thoughts, begin with this: how can we demand respect from other groups yet struggle with respecting one another?