We all fall into relationships, never believing it would come to an end. Break-ups are very hard to cope with. All of the sweet moments you once shared together no longer matter. The precious I love you’s and I miss you’s are voided. You will no longer hear the voice that once brought you peace or feel their comforting touch.
Suddenly you feel weak in the knees. You cannot eat, sleep, or even fake a smile on your face. At random moments you burst into uncontrollable tears.
What can make a break-up even worse, is when your significant other is a narcissist. Narcissism is a personality disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance, most commonly found in men. The common personality traits are an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.
Before the relationship
The difficult part about falling in love with a narcissist is that you tend to not see the signs until you are 100 percent invested in the relationship. When you first begin talking to a narcissist, they seem like the perfect person.
You first think to yourself, “I think I’ve finally found my prince charming.” They make you feel like the most important and beautiful person in the world by remaining consistent, buying you gifts, and taking care of you mentally and physically. They will tell you all of the sweet little nothings you crave to hear in order to wheel in your heart and make you fall in love with them despite their flaws and wrongdoings. Source
During the relationship
It feels so right, doesn’t it? Everything is going perfect until you have a small disagreement. Suddenly, everything becomes your fault. They seem to never take responsibility for their actions.
You may hear phrases such as, “You’re making things up in your head” or “You’re acting crazy.”
They project the blame on to you in order to deflect their internal issues. Soon you begin to realize that nothing is their fault. For an example, if a car accident almost occurs, it’s quickly the other driver’s fault although you know he/she was in the wrong.
In their eyes, they are perfect and everyone else is flawed. Narcissists hate the word “no.” As Beyonce once said, “The first time I said no, it’s like I never said yes.”
They will throw a fit as if they were a 2-year-old child that did not get a piece of candy. They will forget about all of the selfless actions you’ve done for them because of that small word: no.
Soon, you begin to realize how selfish and self-involved your lover has become. News flash–this has been a part of their personality from the beginning but they were GREAT at masking it, or you simply overlooked the signs.
A narcissist does not care about anyone else’s feelings but their own. You are lucky if you ever hear the word “sorry” from a narcissist, and if they do apologize it will not be sincere. They are only telling you what you want to hear. Within a week or even a day, they will do exactly what they apologized for in the past, showing no remorse. Their lack of empathy will truly display during the break-up process.
The break-up
Finally, you have seen the light. You’ve realized how challenging and toxic it is to love this person, but you still cannot get your feet to walk away, your hands to say goodbye, and your soul to let go.
They once gave you the sweetest love you have ever experienced which is why walking away is so hard. You keep reflecting on their charismatic smile, the comforting tone in their voice, the way they held you so tightly and gently every night, and the sweet kisses they placed upon your forehead.
Dr. Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California Los Angeles, wrote on Psychology Today that narcissists can make you “fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you’re giving up a part of your heart to leave them.” They have become your universe and life without them feels incomplete. One day, my mother and I were discussing toxic relationships, and she told me something I will never forget, “You’re never done until you’ve reached your breaking point.”
You’ve finally had enough. Typically, breakups with a narcissist are very nasty and abrupt. It either ends with that person begging and pleading for you to stay or he/she leaves you astray, like an abused puppy in a dog pound. Both are very toxic to go through. You begin to realize the entire relationship was a lie.
Picking up the pieces
Break-ups are already difficult to go through, but breaking up with a narcissist can be physically and emotionally draining.
You’re left to wonder what it is that you did wrong to receive this treatment from the man/woman you loved. You think to yourself, “What did I do for this person to up and leave me?”
You thought the love and care this person once gave you was real. After all of the love and emotions, you put into this relationship, it hits you like a speeding train that it was all for nothing.
Your heart feels shattered into a million pieces. You’re crying so loud that your neighbors can feel your pain through the walls. You listen to sad love songs and eat multiple cartons of ice cream to numb the internal pain.
What makes the deep agony worse is knowing that he/she does not care. Moving on quickly is a common trait for a narcissist, meaning they have already found their new victim. That is all you were, a victim to their love trap.
They used your love, care, and time to get what they wanted from the relationship to fill their empty soul. In order to heal from this tragedy, you must realize they are not capable of experiencing unconditional love. Their heartless actions have absolutely nothing to do with you. They cannot love you the way you deserve to be loved. Never compromise your pure soul because a person harshly disrupted it. Think of this relationship as a blessing in disguise. Know that you are capable of loving again, but this time you will know who to give it to.
Loving again or even trusting another person with your heart will be very difficult. Remember that evil is not within every person. Someone is deserving of your love. Take as much time as you need to heal and get back to the person you once were.